Marc Gafni Tells His Story - and Experts Respond

Opinion

Marc Gafni

Forward

November 3, 2016

Marcgafni.com

A few months after the Forward published a searing essay by Sara Kabakov describing how Marc Gafni sexually abused her, Gafni asked to respond. The Forward believes it has a journalistic obligation to allow him to do so. But his essay demands analysis and context, so the Forward asked a number of experts in sexual abuse to analyze Gafni’s assertions. Those experts challenged Gafni’s claims that Kabakov consented to this relationship and that her age was not an issue, and questioned his reliance on polygraph tests. Their responses are published below Gafni’s essay.

Marc Gafni’s Response

Over the last year, I have been attacked in the press and on Internet blogs, falsely accused of everything from sexual harassment to plagiarism. My character and work have been demeaned. These attacks have unfolded as a series of articles reaching back to the end of 2015. I believe that these articles are the result of a highly orchestrated smear campaign.

I want to directly address a particular false story by Sara Kabakov that is being used in an attempt not only to destroy my reputation, but now has become the basis for a wider organized campaign to destroy the reputations of peers and colleagues.

The series of articles and blogs I’m referring to, particularly ones published in Jewish press, cite the alleged “molestation of Sara Kabakov, starting at age 13, by her former Rabbi and spiritual guru, Marc Gafni.” They present this claim as if it were an established and self-evident truth. It is not.

Speaking the truth about this story is not just crucial for me personally, it is also important for the evolution of public culture in the Internet age. Fact checking and fair process are at the core of democratic society. How we manage conflict tells us much about who we actually are as human beings and as a society.

Our culture must protect against all abuses of human rights and dignity. That includes racial and class-based abuse, sexual harassment and all forms of physical and emotional abuse. At the same time, we must be alert to all forms of defamation and cyberbullying in any form. Cyberbullying and false complaints create trauma, sometimes leading to suicide and always deface human dignity.

This response, which contains detailed refutations of the false and distorted claims being circulated about my actions and character, is the first in a series of articles I will be providing various media outlets who have published erroneous stories about me.

These issues have been extensively and directly addressed on the Facts page of my personal website. However, it now feels necessary to go one step farther.

What follows is my direct response to the assertions made by Sara Kabakov in her opinion piece published by the Forward on January 13, 2016. I am writing about this relationship for two important reasons. First, her story significantly distorts key details about our relationship. And secondly, as I mentioned above, her claims are being actively and intentionally used in some of the most malicious elements of the smear campaign against me.

Sara’s Forward article describes a highly distorted and often outright false narrative about our relationship from 36 years ago. In this article, Sara introduces herself as “the woman Gafni molested when she was 13 years old,”

At the time I met Sara, I was a 19-year-old boy. I was not a rabbinical student, as Sara stated in her essay. I was a college freshman, and not a rabbi, or the man who writes this response today. I have also never been a spiritual guru as Sara has labeled me. I was a teenager in a relationship with a younger teenager. Moreover, I was not then, nor am I now, a “child rapist,” “statutory rapist,” or a “pedophile,” as many have claimed through various media sources. These claims result from the ongoing recycling of falsehoods about this relationship 36 years ago.

I met Sara toward the beginning of her freshman year of high school. I was one year out of high school. Our relationship began some time later, in the early winter of 1980. Sara now says that she was 13 during the time of our relationship, but, according to what she told me then, she was 14 during the time of our relationship. Her 14th birthday was November 30. Our relationship began in December.

The first sentence of her article significantly disguises the fact that ours was a relationship between two teenagers. The portrait of me as a sexual predator is made much more credible when in her Forward article she is twice described as a 13-year old before mentioning my actual age at the time of our relationship.

Relatedly, Sara claims that when we met, “he offered to tutor me in Talmud,” a subtle distortion that sets up a formal authority relationship, which also strengthens the abuse narrative. Such a relationship never existed. It is true that we discussed the Talmud — I was an Orthodox yeshiva student, and discussing Talmud was what we did. But I was never her tutor in any sense.

Of critical importance is the fact that, 36 years ago, I hadn’t any awareness that her being a minor was an issue. We were 14 and 19 — teenagers, who had no knowledge of such things in New York, when, culturally, such topics were far less discussed than they are today. Indeed, either these words or this topic ever came up between us — not even once during the few months of our relationship. It was just not in our cultural awareness.

As a committed Orthodox boy, I was conflicted about my feelings versus following what I thought at the time was God’s law. I had strong feelings for Sara. And, at that time, she claimed to have the same feelings for me. What once was a mutual expression of teenage love has somehow, over the course of many decades, become, for Sara, a story of abuse. This is the heart of the matter.

In describing the start of our friendship, Sara states: “He proceeded to tell me how ‘special’ I was, and that he really liked me.” This is true. I was falling for her and we shared our feelings with each other directly. She then says that I suggested we “keep our friendship a secret,” and that I was “grooming [her] into being silent and fearful.” Nothing could be further from the truth of my recollection. Our friendship was not a secret, and I never suggested it be kept as such.

It’s true that, as Sara states, I stayed at her house on Shabbat, with her parents’ permission and their full knowledge. I also stayed over many times during the week, which she does not mention. Their house was like a second home for me, and I had a good relationship with her parents. Again, there was nothing secret about the fact that we were close friends or that we spent a lot of time together. We never shared that we were dating — but not because I asked Sara to keep a secret. We naturally did not share it with parents, as is the case in many teenage relationships.

So, as others have asked, was this relationship one of teenage love or abuse? I recognize that even for open-minded readers — that is, anyone who hasn’t already assumed that the story told by Sara, or the organizers of the larger smear campaign is true — this question is impossible to answer definitely. There are two opposing narratives, and there is no easy way to directly establish the veracity of either. This is why, a decade ago, the last time Sara’s claims were used to mischaracterize me, I did the only thing I could do to demonstrate that the story I am telling here is not a lie.

I took a polygraph — the results of which are available online — to affirm my claims. It was completed by Gordon H. Barland, PhD, the former director of polygraph research for the Department of Defense. I answered five questions about aspects of my relationship with Sara and the nature of our physical contact, which was nothing greater than teenage necking. The polygraph contained two questions about our mutually positive experience at the time, and three questions regarding the nature of our physical contact. No deception was indicated for my answers to all five questions. In fact, Dr. Barland assessed the probability of deception at less than .01. He concluded that I had answered each question truthfully.

Orthodox law and practice prohibits all physical contact before marriage, including even holding hands. In her article, Sara correctly says that each time we had physical contact, I would express deep remorse through an act of Teshuvah (repentance), because I knew that such contact was in violation of Jewish Orthodox law. This is true. I spoke to the man who had been my rabbi in high school the year before, and he affirmed the “absolute biblical prohibition, according to Maimonides, of any physical contact between unmarried people.” At 19, I did not know how to resolve the contradiction between our very limited contact and what I was being taught was immutable divine law.

Despite distorted details as to why Sara and I broke up according to Sara’s account, I broke up with Sara because I was committed to Orthodox law and practice which prohibited any physical contact, even holding hands, before marriage. I was internally tortured to be out of integrity with Orthodox law. As a 19-year-old Orthodox Jew, I understood this law as a direct divine obligation, one which I had transgressed. Decades later I realize that my shame at not having been able to fulfill the law must have been devastating to Sara as well. I deeply regret this.

We broke up and Sara later wrote me a beautiful love letter, which arrived about six months after the breakup. It looked tattered and was covered in postmarks and other stamps, like it took several attempts before it was finally delivered. Sara’s letter said that we were each other’s one true love, spoke of the depth of our love, that we were intended for each other, and that it would be tragic for us not to spend our lives together. I cried for what felt like two hours after reading it. I was devastated, and I can still remember my sadness.

I called her immediately. The call was answered but she would not come to the phone. In that moment, I wondered if she thought I had ignored her letter, which very well may have arrived months after she wrote it.

In other publications, Sara has denied sending this letter. In the polygraph mentioned earlier, two questions directly concerned the letter and its contents. “After your relationship with Sara was over, did she write you that you were her one true love?” and “After your relationship with Sara was over, did she write that you were meant to be together forever?” I answered both questions as “yes,” and no deception was indicated. Again, Dr. Barland concluded that I had answered truthfully.

We are left with two very different stories about our relationship, and I am left with a very difficult question: When and how did her story shift from teenage romance to one of abuse? It pains me greatly to even write this essay, but the current smear campaign has so heavily relied on her allegations that I am left with little choice but to reflect on this at a deeper level.

In retrospect, I deeply regret my involvement with Sara. I take full responsibility for my role in this youthful mistake. I apologize with all my heart for any pain I may have caused her in our youthful relationship.

As always, I stand against any form of sexual harassment or abuse. Sexual abuse, like all abuses of power, is a pervasive problem. I stand against all practices and behaviors that seek to shame victims who chose to speak out. In speaking out, I have no intention to shame Sara. My intent here has been to respond to allegations made against me — as is my right as a human being. Twenty years of this tale has had profoundly damaging and traumatic effects on my life, on my children’s lives, and on the lives of my partners and friends. Sara cannot hide from this truth nor her own profound responsibility in perpetrating gross and horrifically damaging falsehoods, by claiming that she is being subjected to victim shaming.

Wrongful accusations, leveled by an individual or by a group, in a trial-by-Internet atmosphere are regressive. I propose another vision. I will conclude with my dream, which I hope is not an impossible dream: What if the result of this campaign was the seeking of a higher clarification? What if, over time, all the parties, with all their narratives, could sit together, compare facts, talk, and seek genuine truth and reconciliation?

Jane Eisner on Why the Forward Published This Essay and How Experts Respond

The decision to publish this response from Marc Gafni was difficult, and unusual. One expert I spoke to said that she had never seen someone accused of sexual abuse try to explain himself in this way.

In her essay, published earlier this year, Sara Kabakov alleged that she was 13 years old when Gafni, then a 19-year-old rabbinical student, sexually abused her in her bed at night while he visited her family over a period of months. This was the first time she had spoken publicly about this experience, but her story had emerged anonymously over the years (here and here) in which she alleged that he forced her to have sexual contact against her will.

When some months later, through a spokesman, Gafni offered this response, I felt a journalistic imperative to accept. But I did not want to present his defense without context, so I contacted a number of experts in sexual abuse, shared with them Kabakov’s essay (which contained her allegations) and Gafni’s statement (which contained his response), and asked for their analysis. Here are their salient points:

Of critical importance is the fact that, 36 years ago, I hadn’t any awareness that her being a minor was an issue. We were 14 and 19 — teenagers, who had no knowledge of such things..

The experts said that whether Kabakov was 13 years old or 14 years old when she alleged that he began molesting her is legally irrelevant — theirs would not be considered a consenting relationship in most states, including New York, where it took place. The age of consent in New York was raised from 10 to 16 in 1890, to 18 in 1920 and then down to 17 in 1999. Currently in the United States, there is no state with a consensual age below 16.

If the statute of limitations had not long ago expired, if a man who was 19 touched a girl of 14 in certain ways, it could be a criminal offense, Alissa Ackerman, associate professor of criminal justice at the University of Washington at Takoma, told me. And, she noted, “ignorance of the law is not an excuse.”

Beyond the legal question is a developmental one. Even “if they were 14 and 19, how could he not understand how underdeveloped the 14-year-old’s brain is?” Wendy Murphy, a litigator and adjunct professor of sexual violence law at New England Law in Boston, wrote in an email.

Nineteen-year-olds “are not merely five years older, the way a 50-year-old is merely five years younger than a 55-year-old. [They] are light years older than 14-year-olds in terms of maturity and sophistication. He nowhere acknowledges this important fact,” she added. This is why “teenage girls comprise the largest groups of sexual assault victims because they are by far the most vulnerable.”

Joan Tabachnick, an expert in sexual abuse prevention who is currently a fellow with the Department of Justice SMART office, expressed similar concerns. “As someone who is a leader in his community, he does not acknowledge the developmental differences between a 19-year-old and a 13 or 14-year-old, minimizing the potential impact that this could have on a young girl,” she wrote in an email.

I took a polygraph — the results of which are available online — to affirm my claims… No deception was indicated for my answers to all five questions.

It’s important here to say that polygraph tests are not admissible in a court of law because they are easily manipulated, Ackerman said. Murphy agreed: “In my experience, it is very easy to falsely ‘pass’ a polygraph.”

I did my own research that put the test results in a different light. Gafni was asked three questions about whether he performed sex acts with Kabakov — sexual intercourse, masturbation and anal and oral sex — and was found truthful in his denials. But in her Forward essay, Kabakov never alleged that she and Gafni did any of those things. They were the wrong questions to ask.

He also answered two questions about the “love letter” he said he received from her. But since the letter was decades old and could not be found, the test examiner tried to dissuade Gafni from including those questions in the first place. “I told him that this was a poor issue for a polygraph,” the examiner wrote, and then added: “testing on the contents of a letter received nearly 30 years ago is inappropriate because memory is easily modified over time — often significantly.”

We are left with two very different stories about our relationship, and I am left with a very difficult question: When and how did her story shift from teenage romance to one of abuse?

Ackerman noted that Gafni may really believe that what happened was mutual and consensual, because she has seen such justifications before in more than a decade of research in this area.

“He may very well believe that he was not doing anything wrong. That’s still not an excuse and it doesn’t negate the fact that the survivor felt traumatized,” she told me. “What he wrote doesn’t surprise me at all. He has done what anyone accused of such an offense would do. The fact that he did it in such a blatant way — I’ve never seen that. It is rare for someone to offer such a public and detailed argument to persuade others about his role in a case.”

http://forward.com/opinion/353202/marc-gafni-tells-his-story-and-experts-respond/

 

Disgraced Jewish Spiritual Guru Marc Gafni Set to Teach at Tantric Sex School

Gafni has had many incarnations over the course of his career, including as an emerging leader in New York Orthodox circles and a celebrated, then derided, spiritual leader in the Jewish Renewal movement.

 

Haaretz

The Forward and Sam Kestenbaum Aug 03, 2016

 

Applications are now being accepted for a year-long course on New Age tantric sex, which include instruction on “total body orgasms,” “Prayer Sexing” and “Pleasure Dharma.” Classes begin in October and applicants who enroll before August 15 receive a generous discount.

One of the course’s teachers? Controversial one-time rabbi Marc Gafni.

Gafni, a New Age guru and former rabbi accused of abuses of power through his career, including molestation of a teenage girl, has another venture – as “wisdom teacher in residence” at the Institute for Integral Evolutionary Tantra.

“We need to be willing to stand with each other in sexuality,” Gafni wrote in an introductory message on the organization’s website. “We need to learn what that means with all of its complexity, with all of its shadows.”

“The sexual is the ultimate spiritual master,” Gafni wrote.

A one-year course at the school, starting this fall and held over six weekends in New York City, with 16 bi-weekly online workshops, costs $5,750. There are nine “total body orgasm” sessions and students are also allowed two “interactive online sessions.”

Applicants may choose to enroll in a “two-year transformational program and a four-year practitioner program” after which they will be a “Certified Outrageous Eros Relationship & Sexuality Practitioner.” Applicants must send in a completed application form, with a letter of recommendation, and go through an interview process before being accepted into the program.

The Institute for Integral Evolutionary Tantra is affiliated with the Center for Integral Wisom, Gafni’s think tank. The program incorporates “Integral and Evolutionary Theory,” New Age concepts that Gafni has helped shape. The institute is led by Kristina Kincaid, a member of Center for Integral Wisdom. Gafni has been involved with the institute since at least 2013, when he co-taught a weekend workshop including guidance on “how to move though the abuse of the sexual to sexual integrity.”

Gafni has had many other incarnations over the course of his career, including an emerging leader in New York Orthodox circles and a celebrated, then derided, spiritual leader in the Jewish Renewal movement.

Reports of sexual impropriety have dogged Gafni for years.

In 2004, the New York Jewish Week spoke with a then-anonymous woman who said a 19-year-old Gafni had “repeatedly sexually assaulted” her beginning in 1980. “She was 14 going on 35, and I never forced her,” Gafni said in an interview with that paper.

That woman, Sara Kabakov, came forward publicly for the first time in this newspaper last year and says that Gafni molested her.

“When I was 23 – the age past which, according to New York state law, a person who suffers abuse as a minor loses the ability to press charges – I was still trying to get away,” Kabakov wrote. “I was unable to think about what had happened to me.”

Under New York law, child sex abuse victims must file civil suits against those they hold accountable by the time they are 23. However, experts say that it can take decades for someone who has been abused as a child to come forward.

No charges were ever filed and Gafni said that this was a consensual relationship.

Gafni was also accused of having relations with a 16-year-old female student from a youth group he led in 1986.

Gafni rose to prominence in Israel as the founder of an experimental spiritual community called Bayit Chadash around 2000. But in 2006, several female members of Gafni’s Israeli community came forward to say that Gafni had being having affairs with each of them.

The community in Israel splintered apart and Gafni disappeared from the Jewish world.

He moved to Utah. In 2010, he formed his “activist think tank,” The Center for Integral Wisdom. John Mackey, CEO of Whole Foods, formerly belonged to the center and has been a vocal supporter of Gafni’s.

The spiritual side of sex and intimacy have long been central to Gafni’s teaching. His books include titles like “The Erotic and the Holy,” and “Mystery of Love” and deal with topics like “the exile of the erotic into the sexual.”

Gafni’s defenders, who have stuck beside him despite the controversy, say that Gafni has what they call an overwhelmingly magnetic physical presence, which some call Eros.

“Marc himself is a powerful receiver [of Eros] and transmitter of it,” Adam Bellow, who is advising the Center for Integral Wisdom, told Tablet last year. “I also have no trouble believing that in his early life he had little understanding or control over this powerful gift.”

Kinkaid praised Gafni’s teaching on Eros in a 2015 public letter. “I had the profound honor and wild pleasure of … supporting Marc as the Living, Breathing, Alive, Aflame, Awakened, Dharma as he liberated Eros,” Kinkaid wrote. “Deepest Bow Ever to our Beloved Teacher for all he is, all he gives and all he lives! Amen!”

Gafni’s latest title then, as a teacher-in-residence at an institute offering courses in “Mystic Sexing,” fits well into this pattern.

“I was convinced from an early age that religion had lost what I believed must have been its original erotic vitality,” Gafni reflected in one of his books. “I knew that the sexual, if liberated and ethically expressed, must somehow hold the mystery of return to the much larger-than-sexual Eros.”

 

http://www.haaretz.com/world-news/americas/1.735016

 

Will New Jewish Effort Force New York To Change Sex Abuse Laws at Last?

Jane EisnerTHE FORWARD
May 4, 2016

S

Sara Kabakov with Rep. Margaret Markey,
the champion of the Child Victims Act

ara Kabakov had never done this before. Never driven three hours from her home in Ithaca, N.Y., to the state capitol in Albany nearly 200 miles away, never tried to enter the mosh pit of lobbying lawmakers, never thought of herself as a political activist.

But there she was yesterday at the capitol, seeking an audience with her state senator, meeting with other legislators, learning from other advocates, all in service of persuading them to protect victims of child sexual abuse.

She was moved to do this by a simple act of bravery: Last January, Kabakov shared her own story of sexual abuse at the hands of Marc Gafni, the former rabbi and spiritual guru. “I am the woman Gafni molested when she was 13 years old,” she wrote in an exclusive essay for the Forward . “This is the first time I am telling my story in my own name.”

Gafni was a Yeshiva University rabbinical student five or six years her senior, who regularly molested her at night in her bed when he would stay at the Kabakov family home for Shabbat. The abuse continued for months; the pain and confusion lasted for many years, exacerbated by the refusal of an array of Jewish leaders to take Kabakov’s story seriously. By the time she was able to fully address what happened, she was 38 years old.

And in New York State, that was 15 years too late.

That’s because New York has one of the most cruel, reactionary laws in the nation, ranking right down there with Mississippi, Michigan and Alabama as states that advocates say are the worst for victims and the best for predators.Victims of sexual abuse in New York have only until the age of 23 to bring either criminal charges or file a civil lawsuit against their alleged abusers, one of the shortest windows in the country.

While other states have reformed their laws — Georgia did so last year — legislators in Albany have rebuffed repeated attempts by the indefatigable Queens assemblywoman Margaret Markey. Since 2006, she has championed the Child Victims Act , which in its current iteration eliminates the civil statute of limitations in the future and creates a one-year window when older abuse victims can bring their claims. A companion bill would eliminate the SOL in criminal cases in the future.

The measures have passed the state House and have been left to die in the state Senate, while Gov. Andrew Cuomo has stayed uncharacteristically silent.

Sensing a growing national disgust with this kind of harmful politics, Markey and State senator Brad Hoylman from Manhattan, both Demcorats, organized a two-day lobbying blitz continuing today. The lawmakers and their supporters are veritable Davids battling the Goliath of the Catholic Church on this, and the church’s compatriot in blocking real reform, Agudath Israel of America, which represents ultra-Orthodox Jews.

But rabbis and other Jewish leaders are beginning to fight back. Just last week, Rabbi Ari Hart of the Hebrew Institute of Riverdale was the first to sign a petition he organized with the group Kol v’Oz supporting the Child Victims Act; now there are 161 names below his, representing all denominations.

Hart was in Albany yesterday, too. He considers this advocacy part of his rabbinate — not only because of his pastoral obligation to hear and heal the pain of fellow Jews, but out of the shameful recognition that too many Jewish leaders have denied the seriousness of child abuse for too long.

“Early on in my rabbinate, I sat in a room of survivors who shared stories of abuse, and heard how rabbis and Jewish institutions had failed these survivors over and over again,” he told me. “I feel like it has to change. Religious institutions should be places of healing, places of hope and protection for people — not the other way around.”

This urge to protect institutions from allegations of abuse that may have happened long ago is rooted in ignorance and fear. There’s no need for either anymore. We know from research and countless human examples that it may take an abuse victim decades to be able to even verbalize the experience, especially when the abuser was a person held in high esteem, like a rabbi or teacher.

“It can take a lifetime to learn how to speak up to Jewish authority,” Kabakov told me as she drove home from Albany. “It can silence people. It silenced me.”

Besides ignorance, there is fear that opening a window to claims from the past will unleash a torrent of frivolous lawsuits that will bankrupt churches, yeshivas and other institutions. But none of that has happened in the states where the SOL has been reformed or eliminated.

And then there’s a deeper fear that Kabakov names, one that especially afflicts Jews and other minorities — fear of bringing shame onto one’s own. “That’s probably one of the biggest barriers to changing the paradigm of silence,” she said. “Everyone is afraid of persecution, of stigma, and we don’t want to add to it.”

We simply have to get over it, if for no other reason than suppression of abuse inevitably leads to more harm and more communal shame. The Jewish advocates in Albany yesterday, along with their coalition partners from other faiths, are not disrespecting their communities and traditions by lobbying on behalf of child victims. They are acting out of love made desperate by denial and suffering.

Do the right thing, New York. Allow the victims their voices. Let their stories be heard.

http://forward.com/opinion/339951/will-new-jewish-effort-force-new-york-to-change-sex-abuse-laws-at-last/?attribution=articles-top-nav-section-3-featured-person-headline

Why You Should Boycott Marc Gafni’s Movie, “RiseUp”

Stephen H. Dinan Author, CEO of The Shift Network
Huffington Post
May 4, 2016

I’m writing to bring attention and sound a serious warning about what are, in my opinion, deceptions taking place around the movie RiseUp, which has been enrolling many trusted leaders and has begun a major fundraising campaign at Generosity.

I strongly urge you to educate yourself and others and consider boycotting this movie due to the participation of Marc Gafni, who appears to be using credible authors, speakers, musicians, and business leaders to establish a socially-acceptable front.

Gafni has been the subject of more than 35 recent articles in the press that describe a very troubling history, some of which are included below.

In January, more than 100 of the most respected rabbis and cultural leaders in the Jewish world came together in a Change.org petition to give a very strong warning of the danger Gafni poses. They said, “Marc Gafni has left a trail of pain, suffering, and trauma amongst the people and congregations who were unfortunate to have trusted him.” As further support to their statement, more than 3400 other signatories from all periods of Gafni’s life signed as well, many with extensive comments.

I strongly recommend reading the petition, as well as 75 of the comments on the petition that share many terrible first-hand accounts. It’s also valuable to watch the video testimony of Gafni’s third wife, and Rabbi Ingber.

These accounts state that, in the Jewish world, Gafni went through many congregations and changed his name several times, trailed by allegations of sexual abuse, plagiarism, lying, financial misdoings and more.

In more recent circles, the allegations of misdoings have continued, leading many to break with him completely (Terry Patten’s article is a great example).

In January, I joined with 33 other respected authors and leaders including Deepak Chopra, Jean Houston, Andrew Harvey, John Robbins, and Joan Borysenko to publicly pledge not to have anything to do with Gafni or promote anything he is a part of, based on our direct or indirect knowledge of the harm he has caused others.

It’s important for speakers in the movie or those promoting it to know that, perhaps unbeknownst to them, by participating in this film they may be directly giving more power, influence, and money to this man and his close collaborators.

In my opinion, it is deceptive that Gafni’s presence has been removed from the movie’s fundraising sites, even though it has been co-envisioned, written, and co-produced by Gafni, according to his own website at the Center for Integral Wisdom (see screenshot here if removed at the original link, where you’ll need to scroll way down). The text reads:

Rise Up Movie from the Success 3.0 Summit With Michael Bernard Beckwith, Marc Gafni, Barbara Marx Hubbard and special Guests John Mackey, Tony Robbins, and Hillary Swank, and interviews with speakers and guests of the summit. Directed by Michael-Shaun Conaway, co-envisioned and written by Marc Gafni, co-produced by Kate Maloney, Alex Melnyk and Marc Gafni

It appears that the RiseUp production team is now minimizing or hiding Gafni’s role during the fundraising and enrollment process for leaders.

However, RiseUp has long been listed as a project of Gafni’s Center for Integral Wisdom, of which he is clearly the primary founder and leader (see New York Times article). They also announced via email on April 6, 2016 that Success 3.0, the in-person Summit in which Gafni played the leading speaking role, was rebranding into RiseUp.

Plus, there is an upcoming event announced on the Center’s website in which Gafni’s bio includes the following line: “Marc is also the initiating visionary and co-director of the Success 3.0 Summit and RiseUP.”

In addition, there are Facebook pictures posted on March 15, 2015, by Gafni’s close ally and Board member Chahat Corten (original post, reprinted here) that discuss filming the movie and that show Gafni clearly in a director’s role as well as being filmed himself. There is also an old trailer of RiseUp in which Gafni is featured (see minute 1:34) and a place where he mentions his work on the movie in a voice recording leaked to the Forward (see minute 7:50 here).

In addition to the publicly available facts, there was also a leak of information from the most recent Center for Integral Wisdom Board meeting. I was informed through an ally that they explicitly discussed that the strategy for the movie and Summit would be for Gafni to call the shots from behind the scenes, then appear as a “surprise guest” at the Summit that will follow the movie (if not be in the movie himself).

The reason all of the above is important is that Gafni has been called a “New Age Cosby” in the Huffington Post. Several women have come forward publicly with detailed stories alleging sexual abuse when they were minors (Sara Kabakov and Judy Mitsner). He’s been accused by the former mayor of Salt Lake City of plagiarism. Major recent articles about him have addressed other serious allegations in the New York Times, New York Daily News, Alternet, Forward, Tablet, Jewish Week, and many more.

One noteworthy piece was called “In Recorded Conversation, Gafni Considers Strategy Against His Critics“ and consisted of an accidental leak of a recording to the Forward in which Gafni, his lawyer, and his PR person discussed which news organization to sue to send a warning to others.

I have personally spoken at length with 9 victims from Gafni’s past and I’m aware of more than a dozen others by name, most of whom are scared to share publicly, some because of threats. Hearing their reports of trauma has been truly awful to witness.

These survivors have told me that Gafni is masterful at deceptive seduction and then exerting varying degrees of mental control over people, which includes getting people to lie for him. One survivor quoted him as saying, “I don’t bring anyone into my system that I can’t control.” These survivors report that when he first meets someone he can be quite charming, intelligent, and winning but soon finds a weak spot or a blind spot with which he can manipulate them over time. This behavior is typical of sociopaths, a diagnosis that has been commonly applied to him.

In addition to the above, there are other things I believe are deceptions as well.

Arianna Huffington was initially used as one of the top headliners in the movie and for their February 2017 Summit, which was initially advertised on the fundraising page (since taken down). It turns out Arianna had not given authorization to use her name and “had no idea that they were using her name as a participant for their February 2017 Summit” according to her press team. Her office issued the following statement to Mark Oppenheimer, the author of the New York Times and Tablet articles, who tweeted it out: “Arianna does not...have an affiliation w/ Marc Gafni or with this movie. She was not aware that her name was being used to help raise money for this.”

RiseUp subsequently removed Arianna from the campaign but RiseUp had nonetheless already raised over $250K while using her name without her knowledge or consent. Arianna is still listed in the online Forbes profile on the film, so she was clearly being used as a major headliner.

Additionally, the movie is raising money as a non-profit “cause” on Generosity, a site created by Indiegogo specifically for humanitarian projects and thus one in which the usual Indiegogo fees are waived. There has been, to date, nothing on the fundraising page about what organization is the actual recipient of the funds. The lack of disclosure around what is clearly an engine for generating a lot of money with little discernible philanthropic purpose is troubling to me.

When fundraising began, it was interesting to note their $250K “goal” was reached on the first day with fewer than 100 contributors. In fact, the very first contributor was for $100K (anonymous), the third was from Alex Morton for $30K (since marked private), and the fifth was for $75K (from anonymous). Based on the number of people getting different prize levels, it appears that the second, fourth, and sixth contributions (all marked private), likely included at least one contribution above $50K and another above $20K. In other words, it appears to me that approximately $275K came on the first day from five individual contributors, in all likelihood from the first six contributions based on the number of other private contributions.

That was, in my view, intended to give the illusion of a big “success” in online fundraising by having their major funders put in $275K right away and artificially reach their initial $250K “goal” even though there were under 100 contributors overall.

The people whose good names and reputations are being used as the public face of the RiseUp movie need to know the above.

In my opinion, RiseUp does not warrant your support on any level and will be damaging to be involved with in any way, giving Marc Gafni a major financial and promotional platform for his next moves.

I strongly encourage you to boycott this film and to do what you can to educate your friends and allies as well.

I realize that I will likely attract attacks from Gafni and his allies (probably even those I have been friends with) by writing this article but I feel strongly about people fully educating themselves about Marc Gafni before deciding to support this film.

http://m.huffpost.com/us/entry/boycott-marc-gafnis-movie_b_9829656.html

Whole Foods CEO John Mackey Quits Marc Gafni’s Think Tank

John A. Oswald
April 6, 2016

 

Disgraced spiritual guru Marc Gafni has suffered another black eye with the resignation of Whole Foods co-founder and CEO John Mackey from his vaunted think tank, The Forward has learned.

Mackey so far has issued no statement on his reason for stepping down from the Center for Integral Wisdom, but his departure comes as Gafni continues to be dogged by allegations of sexual improprieties stretching back years.

The Forward in January published an essay by Sara Kabakov, who alleged that Gafni molested her repeatedly, beginning when she was 13.

‘I Was 13 When Marc Gafni’s Abuse Began’Sara KabakovJanuary 12, 2016

Gafni, who is now in his mid-50s, was 19 when the alleged abuse started, Kabakov said. The once-promising Jewish leader said the relationship with her was consensual.

Gafni.

Pressure mounted on Mackey and his Conscious Capitalism for the Whole Foods boss to abandon CIW as the firestorm erupted.

Rabbi David Ingber, an influential Renewal rabbi in New York who once studied with Gafni but has long since severed ties, organized a petition of denouncement , which included he names of around 100 other Jewish leaders.

Nancy Levine, a Gafni critic near his Bay Area base in California, called on Mackey to denounce Gafni and break his silence in a note to The Forward.

“Exposure and speaking up are the remedies for changing the culture,” she wrote.

THE FULL TEXT OF ANTI-GAFNI PETITION

For the sake of the truth. For the sake of those whose voices have been silenced for too long. For the sake of those who have been needlessly hurt. For the sake of those who may be… if we don’t act now.

We, the undersigned, have been made aware of the many, repeated and serious allegations, both public and private, former and recent, against Marc (Mordechai) Gafni that violate the ethical standards and sacred responsibility which governs the relationship between religious teacher and student. The Jewish tradition teaches us that the pursuit of justice obligates us to not stand idly by when a fellow human being is in danger, whether that danger be physical, spiritual or psychological. We do not constitute a panel of judges nor do we seek retribution.

As a group of religious and communal leaders, we are motivated by the obligation embedded in the belief that whoever saves a single life, it is as if they have saved a whole world. Marc Gafni has left a trail of pain, suffering, and trauma amongst the people and congregations who were unfortunate to have trusted him. He has abused his extraordinary intellectual gifts and charisma to harm many who came to him in search of spiritual guidance and teaching. He has used professional alliances to legitimize himself by association, and thereby be able to continue creating more harm. As a result Marc Gafni is neither trusted, respected, nor welcome to teach virtually anywhere in Judaism. In community after community, those who have trusted him have had their trust betrayed. Some of those who sign here were severely mislead and even once defenders of Gafni’s integrity only to see that we too had been deceived. For decades now, Gafni has behaved in ways that violate every ethical and legal standard known to us; his misdeeds go far beyond what was reported in the New York Times.

Recognizing we are part of one humanity who must protect one another, we share this statement in order to prevent future harm to those who may be exposed to him, and as a protest against any individuals, organizations, or institutions that support or endorse him as a teacher or leader. Complicity in giving Gafni a platform is a violation of our tradition’s highest ethical and moral standards: “Justice, Justice shall you pursue” and “Do not stand idly by the blood of your neighbor.”

We, along with all who sign this petition, stand together with those who were his victims and call upon those who support Marc (Mordechai) Gafni to cut all financial and institutional ties with him. Today, we stand together in saying ‘Enough! No More’ to the trail of pain and poison of one who teaches spirituality but acts with absolute disregard for those teachings.

Signed in solidarity,

Rabbi Aaron Alexander

Rabbi Rachel Barenblatt

Rabbi Mordechai Bar-On

Rabbi Samuel Barth

Adam Berman, Executive Director of Urban Adamah

Rabbi Phyllis Berman

Rabbi Saul J. Berman

Susan Berrin, editor-in-chief, Sh’ma

Rabbi Noah Benjamin Bickart

Rabbi Elizabeth Bolton

Esther Sadie Brandon

Rabbi Gil Brociner

Rabbi Sharon Brous

Rabbi Meredith Cahn

Rabbi Sharon Cohen Anisfeld

Rabbi Menachem Creditor

David Curiel

Rabbi Tova Dodi

Rabbi Shira Koch Epstein

Rabbi Ohad Ezrachi

Rabbi Josh Feigelson

Shir Yaakov Feit

Rabbi Zev-Hayyim Feyer

Rabbi Tirzah Firestone

Rabbi Donna Friedman

Rabbi Pamela Frydman

Rabbi Ruth Gan-Kagan

Rabbi Jonah Geffen

Rabbi Jordie Gerson

Rabbi Dr. Laura Gold

Rabbi Shefa Gold

Rabbi Dan Goldblatt

Rabbi Yosef Goldman

Rabbi Owen Gottlieb

Rabbi Ben Goldstein

Rabbi Sam Gordon

Rabbi Victor Gross

Rabbi Dr. Donniel Hartman

Steven Hassan

Rabbi Joel Hecker

Rabbi Shai Held

Rabbi Jacob Herber

Rabbi Jason Herman

Rabbi Lauren Grabelle Herrmann

Rabbi David Hoffman

Rabbi T’mimah Audrey Ickovits

Eve Ilsen

Rabbi David A. Ingber

Rabbi Shaya Isenberg

Stephanie Ives

Rabbi Jill Jacobs

Michael Kagan

Rabbi Rachel Kahn-Troster

Rabbi David Kalb

Reb Zusha Kalet

Rabbi Min Kantrowitz

Rabbi Sam Kaste

lRabbi Sharon Kleinbaum

Rabbi Rachel Kobrin

Rabbi Deb Kolodny

Rabbi Claudia Kreiman

Lorelai Kude

Dr.Yehuda Kurtzer

Rabbi Daniel Landes

Rabbi Michael Adam Latz

Amichai Lau-Lavie

Rabbi Ebn Leader

Rabbi Mordechai Leibling

Naomi Less

Rabbi Martin Levson

Rabbi Rebecca Lillian

Rabbi Dov Linzer

Rabbi Dr. Shaul Magid

Kay Magilavy, Treasurer, Afikei Ruah (Formerly American Friends of Bayit Chadash)

Rabbi Paula Marcus

Rabbi Jeffrey Marker

Rabbi David Markus

Rabbi Jessica Kate Meyer

Rabbi Dr. Jay Michaelson

Rabbi Diana Miller

Rabbi Jason Miller

Rabbi Leana Moritt

Jacob Ner-David

Rabbi Jen Newmark

Rabbi Mark Novak

Rabbi Yael Ridberg

Rhonda Rosenheck

Rabbi Michael Ross

Rabbi Danya Ruttenberg

Nigel Savage, CEO of Hazon

Basya Schechter

Shoshana Schechter-Shaffin, Executive Director of ALEPH

Rabbi Dale Schreiber

Rabbi Dr Elyse Seidner-Joseph

Rabbi Rhonda Shapiro-Rieser

Rabbi Andy Shugerman

Rabbi Karen Silberman

Rabbi Brent Spodek

Meira Bracha Michele Stahl Sumka

Rabbi Adam Starr

Bahira Sugarman

Rabbi Joseph Telushkin

Rabbi Moshe Waldoks

Rabbi Arthur Waskow

Rabbi Seth Wax

Rabbi Debi Wechsler

Rabbi Melissa Starr Wenig

Rabbi Avi Weiss

Rabbi David Zaslow

Rabbi Ziona Zelazo

Rabbi Jill Berkson Zimmerman

Rabbi Mishael Zion

Noam Zion

Rabbanit Devorah Zlochower

http://forward.com/news/337904/whole-foods-ceo-john-mackey-quits-marc-gafnis-think-tank/

I Admit It, I Was Using Gafni

ANONYMOUS
Hevria.com
February 8, 2016

Editor’s note: This piece was written by Mark Gafni’s third ex-wife.

In my last piece, To The Woman Who Slept With My Husband, I got some pushback for putting  responsibility for abusive relationships solely on the shoulders of the abusers. Plenty of well-intentioned folks insisted that we ‘victims’ take some responsibility too….if only for our own empowerment, of course.

Well, I’m already a step ahead of you there. Luckily I know how to play the ‘taking responsibility’ game. It’s my natural milieu. I could write a book on it. In fact, I did, basically, write a book on it.

It was in 2006. The latest remix of Gafni sex scandals had just broken out in Israel. Three female employees had filed reports with the Haifa police. Gafni had fled Israel with his proverbial tail between his legs. The secrets came steaming off of all that hot mess he was in. It was my first time to hear the truly eye-bulging  confirmation about the multitude – yes, multitude – of affairs he had routinely lied to me about during our marriage.

I remember my first thought upon hearing just how wildly befouled it all was, “Wow, how did I get into this? What is my responsibility here?”

I mean, that’s what you do when something goes wrong. You take responsibility. You investigate your own shadowy motives. That’s how my parents had raised me, after all. To question myself. To face my fault-lines. To grow. And so I looked at all of us flailing around in the wake of his abuse and wondered, how did we let this travesty happen?

Most providentially, at that time I was getting my Masters in Clinical Psychology. I had a thesis to write. It was obvious what my topic would be. Why we women did it. Because G!d forbid I should be so mean-spirited as to focus on the abuser’s responsibilities. No, no. It was ‘What was so very wrong with me and my sisters that we got entangled with a sociopath?’

This I have investigated well. And I am all too happy to share my findings below.

But before I do I want to point out in no uncertain terms that this framing is precisely part of the problem. I willtake responsibility. I will grow from this. But what about Gafni?

To all you still-doggedly-devoted supporters of his…can you answer why we haven’t heard a peep from Gafni about his responsibilities? Why is it that all we have heard from him is denials, diminishments and claims of victimhood? Why is he so terribly busy diverting attention to the ‘Sexual McCarthyist Witch-hunt’ doing him wrong?

Tell me, you defending giants, Ken Wilber and Jon Mackey and all the rest….why can’t your severely shakti’ed guru take even a morsel of responsibility?

Here’s my offer. (If you even deem the other side’s opinions a worthy enough read.) – I will take public responsibility for my shadow. I will poke and prod at my own ugliest motives. I will lay out in broad day-light what led many of us women into this unfortunate mess. And in return I ask only one thing. That you demand that Gafni do the same. For decencies’ sake. For the sake of the recognition of so many glaring omissions.   

Wilber & Mackey – If you have a shred of moral grit in you, demand that Gafni give a public accounting of his shadow side that led to this current round of condemnation.

Are you game?

*

I’ll go first.

I’ll even start with my most embarrassing admission.

I used Gafni.

On the flip side of my shiny love-struck coin was this – my own selfish, small-hearted, deeply-scheming need to be seen and drive for power.

When I break it down on the dark side, I see that I wed him out of a whole retinue of ulterior motives.  

I was in my early twenties. Still chock-full of starry-eyed dreams of what I’d be when I grew up. I was an Ivy League grad who had come from a class & generation of young women educated to believe that we could achieve – and were entirely expected to achieve – everything. I was simmering in my own particular pressure cooker of great expectations & greatly diminished self-esteem…and the results were catastrophic.

Gafni rose out of all that anxious promise and offered me success on a silver platter. “So you want to be a spiritual teacher, do you? – Well, here’s your ready-made stage.” Pret-a-porter spiritual success story.

On my shadow side, marrying a “successful man” was an immense relief – and a great thrill.  It was a relationship perk worth overlooking a thousand rumors for.   

This is my shadow. My narcissistic demon. I have been staring it down for a good decade.

I admit I wrestle with it still. Which is one of the reasons why I continue to stay anonymous in these posts. For once in my interactions with Gafni, I am acting out of zero desire for self-advancement. I am writing solely in order to warn others and unravel a master manipulator.

So, yes, I admit it aloud – the worst part of me was drawn to Gafni for the easy ego-strokes and a fast-pass to having an impact.

*

What’s more, it seems I am not alone in this.

As part of my fore-mentioned research paper, I sent out a questionnaire to a group of Gafni’s victims.

Among other questions, I asked them to list 5 things about themselves that drew them to being romantically involved with him.

The #1 reason given was this….A deep desire to have an impact.

The dark underbelly of this otherwise noble desire is all too often a deeply seated need to be seen and exercise power.

Just look below at the #6th ranked answer to the same question. The women admit to a desire for power.

Also baldly portrayed in the questionnaire as a ‘thing about Gafni that drew me in’ was his promise to help the woman manifest her dreams.

It’s a pretty clear fessing-up on the part of the women. We were lured into the trap of the power paradox. In order to attain power we became deeply disempowered by the very man who offered it to us ala carte.

My guess is that many of those drawn to Gafni are drawn in by this very same shadow pull.

In fact, I wonder how many of Gafni’s current supporters stay stuck in his orbit out of some as-of-yet- unprocessed shadow such as this.

In that spirit I turn again to Gafni’s remaining supporters – the fierce few of you who still persist. What are the shadow forces at play in your continued support? How are you using Gafni too?

It’s time we all just fess up to our shadows.

Gafni, Wilber, Mackey, your turn. 

Data & Conclusions Drawn from the Study

The following selections are culled from a collective case study of a cluster of women who were involved in sexually exploitative relationships with Gafni. The goal is to glean a broader understanding of the phenomena of why women would chose to enter into harmful romantic relationships with charismatic spiritual leaders.   

Questionnaire Results

The results are a compilation of answers ranked according to how many women chose each answer.

Please list 5 things about YOU that drew you to being involved romantically with Gafni:

My own desire to have an impactCompassionate giving/desire to heal himNeedy/vulnerable spirituallyTrusting/inability to discernMy spirituality/spiritual connection to himDesire for or interest in power/ego-needsLooking for male guidance, father figure, teacherPassionate/excited/enthusiasticMy trauma and sexual abuse historyTendency to be swept up in romance/fantasy

Please list 5 things about Gafni that drew you to being involved romantically with him:

His interest in me/courting & romancing of meHoly/spiritual/psychicInspiring/charismatic/powerfulGenius/brilliance/intellectHis looksHis work/mission/vision of JudaismHis being a spiritual teacher/guide/RabbiHis promise to help me manifest my dreams/affirm me

Please list 5 positive and 5 negative aspects of your relationship with Gafni?

Positive:

Fun/excitement/the highs!/ecstaticAbility to have impact/professional advancement/dreams supportedLearned from him/mentor/valued his opinionsMoments of apparent intimacy/loving relationshipInspiring

Negative:

Massive amounts of emotional pain/hurtHis put downs/name calling/yelling  His lying and cheatingIt was secretive/I had to lieI felt I wasn’t good enoughI lost sense of self & self-respectI stopped my own creative workI got manipulatedFelt bipolar/ecstatic-dissociativeOthers: lack of intimacy/respect/honoring, demonizing of ME!, anxious, terrified, have had intrusive thoughts (from his abuse), negatively affected my relationships with others, I gave too much, seduction deception

Do you feel victimized or hurt by Gafni? If so, please list 5 ways in which you feel victimized/hurt.

Lied to me consistentlyHe manipulated me/used meBullied/put down/degradedBoundaries violated/sexually exploitedMy sense of trust of spiritual leaders has been destroyedBlurred my sense of right and wrongOthers: encouraged me to accept things that I normally wouldn’t; lied to me so that I would defend him to others (to their detriment); He may have ruined my chance to find love with a decent person; I lost my ability to say no, to choose; he demanded openness and honesty from me but didn’t return it; made me powerlessness and out of control; used/confused me in time of spiritual vulnerability

Do you see similarities between yourself and the other women who were involved in this case? If so, please list 5 of those similarities between yourself and the other women involved.

Leaders/charismatic/powerfulPassionate; pulled towards excitement & riskCreative/artistic/articulateSpiritualGiving/loving/compassionateIntelligentOthers: Have past history of trauma and sexual abuse; not rigid; not good at holding boundaries; beautiful/feminine /graceful; looking for spiritual guidance; emotionally alive/feeling-oriented; intuitive/witchy women

What kind of responsibility, if any, do you feel you need to take for your part in the relationship? If possible, list 5 ways in which you feel responsible?

I didn’t speak out to him – didn’t call him on it when I knew he lied or manipulated me or pressured me sexually; I didn’t say noI didn’t speak out against him to myself – I chose a ‘relationship’ with him over self-respect/over my values; ignored the warning voices inside of me; didn’t stand up for what I believed; I dissociated in many moments when things got uncomfortable for meI did not believe warnings & rumors or work to investigate themI actively chose to be with him/asked for it/wanted to be wantedI was determined to be with him for egoistic reasons, not for love; I ‘used’ him for his powerI was dependent/not taking responsibility for myselfOthers: I didn’t speak out against him to others; I kept his secrets, I let my boundaries erode over time; I was emotionally unstable; I wanted to be overpowered.Those who get drawn in

Martha Stout’s book “The Sociopath Next Door” lays it out crystal clearly. She writes about why  certain types of people get drawn into relationships with sociopaths. The parallels between her writings and the answers received in the questionnaire were striking. I have added archetypal titles to 8 of the different types most likely to fall prey. All too often, we see a mix of many of these characteristics into one particularly susceptible compost type.

The Smart & Fabulous

First, Stout writes that the sociopath is often drawn out of vengeance to abuse people who are smarter, more accomplished, classier, more attractive, or morally admirable than they are. The sociopath reaps particular satisfaction from debasing others by whom s/he feels subconsciously threatened. In our case study, one of the more common remarks people have made about the group of women who were involved with Gafni is, “But they’re all such incredible women. How could such women have gotten pulled in to this?” One of the reasons might be that it was precisely the more talented or admirable types of women that Gafni sought out to suppress, in order to compensate for his own feelings of inferiority.

The Risk Taker

Another one of Stout’s beliefs is that certain people are drawn towards sociopaths out of their own mild affinity for danger. She notes that it can be exciting to be invited into the sociopath’s risky or larger than life schemes. One’s own life might feel drab in comparison to the often extravagant lifestyle of a sociopath. I think it is safe to say that most of the women involved in this case were drawn to the risk and excitement that Gafni offered. It is noteworthy that the number one answer to the question “What were the positive aspects of your relationship with Gafni?” was that being with him was “fun”, “high”, “exciting”.

The Trusting

Additionally, Stout notes that sociopaths often have a keen talent for recognizing decent and trusting individuals; particularly if they can then use them as game pieces for their own designs. Back to the questionnaire, when the women described themselves and the other women involved, the characteristics of being good, trusting and somehow helpful game pieces were mentioned several times. Relatedly, Stout points out that sociopaths have an uncanny sense of who is susceptible to sexual overture and seduction. It is as if they sense this “weakness” in another and exploit it. Likewise in the questionnaire, this issue of the women having histories of sexual abuse was also mentioned.

The Duped by Titles

Finally, we come to the issue of “the devil in Rabbi’s clothes”. Stout discusses at length how sociopaths regularly use professional roles and titles as tools for their manipulation. She discusses how people often relate to those holding titles of Doctor, Priest, therapist or Rabbi with a clear and positive attitude of trust, for we assign to those individuals the integrity of the role itself. The questionnaire also pointed out that several of the women were drawn to Gafni because of his role as Rabbi and spiritual guide.

The Humanitarian

Stout adds that the sociopath “usually begins with an appeal to them as good people who would like to improve the condition of humanity, and then insists that they can achieve this by following his own aggressive plan”. This factor too was mentioned in the questionnaire. The number one characteristic in the women that pulled them towards Gafni was their desire to have an impact for the good in the world.

The Wounded

In a related vein we turn to Peter Rutter’s book “Sex in the Forbidden Zone”, on the topic of how men in power positions such as clergy, doctors, therapist and teachers, betray women’s trust by engaging in inappropriate and damaging sexual relationships. Rutter notes four wounds typically found in women who are drawn in to such inappropriate relationships. The first wound is sexual or psychological invasion in childhood, as was also seen above. The danger for such women is loss of physical or psychological boundaries. The second wound is profound childhood aloneness, which later lead to a desire for any attention whatsoever, even if – and especially if – inappropriate. In the questionnaire, there was some of mention of this type of wounding as well.

The Compassionate Healer

Rutter’s third category was the issue of exploited compassion. Here is the woman’s desire to take care of the wound in the man. In the questionnaire, this is the number two listed characteristic in the women that drew them to Gafni; a desire to give to and heal him.

The Not-Yet-Manifested

Rutter’s fourth category was devalued outer potential. Here the man in power holds out to the woman the promise of helping them develop their own intellectual, artistic or vocational talents, while asking the women to pay the price sexually. This too was a central factor for most of the women involved with Gafni.

It is clear that this case study was indeed representative of a larger social phenomena of women becoming involved in inappropriate and abusive sexual relationships with men in power. I have tried to focus specifically on what drew the women into such relationships. My hope is that sharing these findings will foster understanding, growth and a greater insurance against other women becoming entrenched in such harmful and exploitative relationships in the future.

Resources & Works Cited:
Rutter, P. (1989). Sex in the Forbidden Zone. New York: Fawcett Crest.
Stout, M.(2005). The Sociopath Next Door. New York: Broadway Books.

http://hevria.com/anonymous/admit-using-gafni/

The Global Implications Of The Marc Gafni Scandal

Carolyn Baker, Ph.D.
Huffington Post
February 3, 2016

In my recent Huffington Post article "In The Shadow Of New Age Spirituality," I documented and commented on the burgeoning scandal regarding New Age spiritual teacher and author Marc Gafni. Whereas some readers may assume that the debacle is relevant only to students and teachers in the New Age movement, I believe that the implications are remarkably far-reaching. In fact, I argue that by enabling Gafni's behavior, those who apologize for and defend him are colluding with larger and more global abuses of power.

We Shouldn't Judge

In response to my article, some readers argued that "we should not judge" Gafni but rather pray for and support him instead of attacking him. To reiterate, my article is not an attack, but rather, one of a host of well-documented exposés of Gafni's inappropriate sexual behavior and his attempts to distort and defend it to his advantage. Shining the light on a plethora of charges from offenders spanning more than 30 years is hardly an exercise in condemnation, but rather, a call to laser discernment which appears to completely escape the defenders of Gafni in the New Age movement. Given his sordid reputation, I assume that Gafni is a lost cause, and therefore, I am not taking him to task, but rather the purveyors of "solar spirituality" who refuse to engage with the dark side of human nature.

To argue that "we should not judge Gafni" is somewhat like proclaiming that Rosa Parks should not have "judged" the driver who told her to sit in the back of the bus when she refused to do so. It is not unlike accusing Martin Luther King, Jr. of "judging" when he called out Bull Connor for his brutal attacks on blacks in 1960s Alabama.

The renowned Buddhist teacher, Chogyam Trungpa famously spoke of "idiot compassion" by which he meant compassion that is not discerning and which enables injustice or perpetuates suffering.

Justice and truth must be spoken in times of ghastly in-justice, violence, and betrayal. Indeed, justice must be tempered with mercy, but often it is harsh and not what the ego or rational mind would prefer to experience, especially if one is wedded to a spirituality that routinely sidesteps the messiness of life.

The Essence Of Enabling

To enable is to "give power, means, competence, or ability" to a person or behavior. Clearly, for the past three decades, a number of spiritual luminaries surrounding Marc Gafni, most notably Ken Wilber and Sally Kempton, as I noted in my previous article, have defended or minimized Gafni's behavior in the face of glaring evidence of his culpability. Without their enabling, the human suffering caused by Gafni's sexual assaults would not have been swept under the rug by the New Age movement at large. When we enable someone, we collude with them, and the word "collusion" literally means, the sharing of an illusion.

We often unconsciously choose to "share an illusion" because a repressed part of the psyche, the shadow, contains material with which we choose not to identify, but nevertheless lives in us. To be human is to have a shadow, but it is each human's responsibility, especially those who identify as spiritual teachers and authorities on the psyche, to deeply examine their own shadow not once or twice, but frequently for as long as they live.

In the case of Gafni, evidence is mounting that he may be a sociopath, devoid of conscience and therefore the pangs of guilt with which most humans struggle. The shadow, in fact, may not be the issue for him in this situation because the dynamics of the shadow require that an individual have a conscience. The presence of conscience causes us to repress aspects of ourselves that do not resonate with what we consider morally sound, and we therefore bury those in the unconscious mind, or we choose to examine them and resolve the issue. Individuals without conscience, however, live out rather than repress their demons.

Gafni's shadow notwithstanding, where we find the most egregious shadow behavior is among his defenders. Anyone who defends a sociopath or any individual who has created a thirty-year trail of alleged sexual abuse, mind control, and deceit clearly has his or her own shadow work to do. 

The Global Implications Of Enabling Marc Gafni

What the Gafni scandal most deplorably reveals is the moral bankruptcy of New Age spirituality which prefers to think pretty thoughts rather than confront the evil that is ravaging the planet and creating untold suffering for all living beings. Gafni has become the poster boy for abuses of power within spiritual movements in general, of women in particular, and by extension, abuses of the Earth, the poor, and abuses based on ethnicity and class. Groups wedded to what I have termed solar spirituality with an aversion to exploring the dark side of human nature, prefer to avoid issues of racial, gender, and Earth injustice in favor of remaining naïve and insulated from "negativity."

Attend virtually any New Age gathering, and you will be deluged with feel-good discourses on personal growth, creating individual abundance, erasing negative thoughts, and "living in the light." Occasionally, some sanitized "green wash" is thrown in by way of encouraging people to recycle their garbage or install solar panels on their homes, but almost without exception, any talk of climate catastrophe or the extinction of species is quickly derailed in favor of "remaining positive." Likewise, the scions of solar spirituality tend to squirm when topics of poverty and economic inequality arise. After all, it was from this milieu that The Secret, Rhonda Byrne's 'you can have it all' narcissistic nonsense emerged, promising the manifestation of one's desires through positive thinking.

Such pseudo-spirituality is neither in the tradition of the great mystics and wisdom teachers, nor does it serve an increasingly withering planet. What does serve the Earth community are individuals committed toSacred Activism, the marriage of activism and spirituality---spiritual warriors who aren't afraid to witness and confront darkness with clear-eyed discernment. Until the New Age movement and its luminaries are willing to do their own shadow work, then make an unflinching commitment to social and ecological justice, we can expect to see the proliferation of more Gafnis within its ranks. Thus, the movement will remain ensconsed in naiveté, commercialism, and complacency, failing miserably to alleviate a plethora of injustices on a planet in peril. Absent ongoing shadow exploration, all spiritual movements eventually enable not only perpetrators of abuse and exploitation within their own ranks, but throughout the Earth community at large.

All beings harmed by abuses of power, as well as the Earth itself, cry out for awake human beings to commit to the journey of shadow healing. Grueling though it may be, the rewards are inestimable, for as the poet Rumireminds us, "What hurts you, blesses you; darkness is your candle; your boundaries are your quest."

Carolyn Baker, Ph.D. is the author of Dark Gold: The Human Shadow And The Global Crisis. Her radio show, the Lifeboat Hour, airs on Progressive Radio Network every week. She may be contacted at Carolyn@carolynbaker.net.

http://m.huffpost.com/us/entry/the-global-implications-o_b_9120574.html

To The Woman Who Slept With My Husband

BY ANONYMOUS
JANUARY 26, 2016

Editor’s Note: This piece is written by Marc Gafni’s third ex-wife who was married to him from 1998 to 2004.  She wrote about her experience in a recent post for the Times of Israel.

I will never forget your apology to me. Tearful, remorseful, awful.

You kept it a secret. You held it in for well over a decade. Embroidered it into your skin…Sequestered from sight and air and left it rotting there inside of you.

Sometimes I imagine all the sick little secrets he ever spawned…all drawn upon the skin of the women who entrusted their silence, their innocence, their sense of shame, to him. 

I remember how broken you were. How over-spilled with shame. Begging my forgiveness.

And all I could think was, no I don’t forgive you. I don’t.

Because I don’t blame you. I don’t have a drop of blame to add to this flask of self-guilt you continue to sip.

You tell yourself that you were consensual. An adult. A willing participant. But I don’t buy it. Not in my book you’re not. In my book, you’re a victim…just like me.

If I had my way, every morsel of guilt that rests on your shoulders would be hoisted squarely upon his sorry neck til it breaks. Your sweet beguiled remorse only belongs atop the heaping scale of his guilt. 

Please hear me — It is HIS fault that it happened. It is HIS fault that you kept his dirty secret for over a decade. 

He was your Rabbi – a spiritual authority figure some 15 years your senior. You were his student.

Did you know that educate and seduce have the same Latin root? He had a sacred duty to educate you, and instead he seduced you.

He convinced you – the very same way he did with everyone else – that you were to blame. That you were a consenting adult. That you asked for it, wanted it, were complicit. 

And so you stand before me feeling guilty. – Can’t you see? Remorse is the very emotion that he is utterly incapable of feeling and yet so masterful at using against you.

So, yes, I admit it. I am angry at you. 

But not because you agreed to his copious gropes. No, it’s because you blame yourself. I am furious at you for this. 

Because when you blame yourself he wins again. And I’m done losing to him. I’m done with it.  

When you blame yourself you send the story line reeling in the wrong direction. 

When you blame yourself you obscure the truth. Again. And this truth has been so rampantly mangled, so  treacherously obscured and robbed of its say so many times and in so many way that it makes me frickin’ sick with fury and I’m done with it… 

So please indulge me as I lay the truth out as I know it. In the starkest possible terms. Give me one more chance to rant against this monstrosity of a man and all that he did to me and my precious, G-d fearing & decent friends.

We were innocent young women flat-out finagled by a world-class con-artist. Lassoed in by a sociopath marauding as a spiritual guide. He took our innocence, our best intentions, our deepest yearnings – and twisted it against us. For his own sick purposes.

And he did it to the not-so-young-and-innocent as well.

And it is nothing short of criminal. There should be laws against this in every court of man.

Unfortunately there aren’t – yet.

But there is this… THIS moment. This ‘hearing’.

This jury box set up in the international courthouse known as The Internet.  

I beg the very ears of heaven to bend down low to grok all that I am saying here.  

We have been wronged by this fiend. Flocks of us. Students, funders, colleagues. And so many of us to this day heap the shame upon ourselves. So many of us keep stitching the secret back into our skin til it snakes like poison-ivy across our psyches.

Until we spell out his manipulations in all their stark reality then the world won’t see it either and his defenders will persist. His abuses will continue – with impudence – as they have for decades.

Aren’t we ready to be done with this?

*

I say this to All Victims Everywhere…

This is sooo much bigger than Gafni.

This message is for everyone out there who is right now sitting speechless on a stash of secrets.

Know this: your self-blame and secret-keeping are just one more way that your smiling abuser continues to victimize you. Your secret-guarding is his/her best defense and shining license to attack again.

Your remorse, your shame and your shut mouths are but weapons in abusive hands.

I know, you might be embarrassed about what you did. But this is precisely where the murkiness sets in. The darkness feasts on murkiness. It is the grey matter that feeds a thousand fiends.

So let us make it perfectly clear. Our secret-keeping is another form of abuse. It keeps our abusers safe and enabled to continue their diabolic games.

I know. I protected my abuser too. Because I believed in ‘the mission’. Because I felt shame. Because I didn’t want to talk bad or air dirty laundry. Good Lord, I still refuse to share my name.

But I am determined to do it differently now. We can do it different now. And we can set new precedents for the future. The internet has gifted us with voice, with systems of support beyond our wildest dreams.

We can do it for every victim out there who might right now be reading this and reconsidering their own pacts of silence signed with shame.

We can show them what it looks like to tell our stories as loud and angry as we can muster.

This might be the only hearing against these slippery criminals that we are going to get my friends.

So please. If you are keeping secrets for someone, anyone…a partner…a parent… teacher…a friend. Speak it. Share it. 

Secret-keeping is your first indicator that there is foul play.

Even if you fear you were consensual. Even if you enjoyed it at some point. Even if you fear ‘betraying him’ as if it were the plague.

Just share with one other person. Find a therapist, a computer screen, a confidant. Tell someone.  Do it anonymously. Do it imperfectly. But do it.

And for the sake of all is good and holy… forgive yourself.

Believe me –  it’s not too late. 

http://hevria.com/anonymous/woman-slept-husband/