Jun 2, 2020

How to have a conversation with a conspiracy theorist

Sometimes the best way to have a conversation with a conspiracy theorist is to avoid one all together.(ABC Life: Molly Hunt)
Moataz Hamde
ABC Life
June 2, 2020

I remember being told a big man in a red suit would fly an eight-reindeer-strong sleigh to deliver presents to every child.

And that a magical, ambiguously sized rabbit creature would lay chocolate eggs in the garden sometime in April for Easter.

And if I placed my fallen baby teeth under my pillow, I could pawn them for a quick buck to a "tooth fairy".

These are all straight up lies told to many of us, often by the first authoritative figures in our lives we trusted. Our parents.

If the closest people to us would let us believe a lie, is it hard to imagine a world where others might as well?

If you've already made your mind up about conspiracy theorists, I totally get it.

But let me ask you this: Can you really blame someone's scepticism of the information they get on the world around them?

If you have someone in your life who buys into conspiracy theories, it might help to consider where they're coming from.

So why are some of us attracted to conspiracy theories? And how do we navigate a conversation with someone dead set on one?

Have you or a mate gone down a conspiracy rabbit hole? How did it impact your relationships? Share your story by emailing life@abc.net.au.

What attracts us to conspiracy theories?


Conspiracy theories give us a narrative explanation of why bad things happen, says Dr Colin Klein, associate professor at the ANU College of Arts and Social Sciences.

They're a coping mechanism to handle uncertainty.

For example, scientists have repeatedly shown vaccines don't cause autism. But, they're also not sure what does.

Our desire to know cause and effect isn't satisfied, so we start to theorise, Dr Klein says.

Dr Micah Goldwater, a senior lecturer of psychology at the University of Sydney, says it's like the stories we make up when we don't receive a reply to a text message from someone for a long time.

Conspiracy theorists are also often already suspicious of institutions like the government and pharmaceutical companies.

"Maybe they don't trust in these institutions or maybe they feel disempowered by the status quo," Dr Klein says.

People who feel a sense of powerlessness are more likely to endorse and spread conspiracy theories.

"Even though [conspiracy theorists] might end up in the wrong place, in many cases the initial seeds of doubt aren't unreasonable," Dr Klein says.

Because conspiracies do happen and have happened in the past.

"There are precedents there," says Dr Goldwater.

Another reason people flock to conspiracy theories is the social aspect.

"It's a great way to make friends," Dr Goldwater says.

"Certain beliefs are associated with a certain social groups and endorsement of these ideas are a marker of being a member of the group."


The best way to have a conversation with a conspiracy theorist


Misinformation can be harmful, so it's understandable that it might upset you to see someone you know sharing conspiracy posts on social media.

But at their core, they're driven by fear, says Dr Goldwater, so a little empathy can go a long way.

Here are some things you can do:

Try avoiding the subject all together


Elisabeth Shaw, who is the CEO of Relationships Australia NSW, says debating conspiracy theories can be an infuriating dead-end.

"If you strongly disagree with someone but value the relationship, sometimes the best thing you can do is to get out of the content of the debate," Ms Shaw says.

Trying to convince a friend they might have got it wrong is futile.

"A core idea of conspiracy theories is there are people conspiring to cover up evidence," Dr Klein says.

So that means anything other than believing in a conspiracy, is part of the conspiracy.

Which means any evidence we could hope to present is rejected or lacks credibility in the eyes of our friends.

"Once someone has become that entrenched, it becomes very hard to present any kind of evidence," Dr Klein says.

Don't immediately dismiss


If the subject does come up, you could try to dig a little deeper into what's going on behind that belief.

"It's really important to understand why the person thinks the way they do," Ms Shaw says.

Sometimes, a belief in a conspiracy theory is a result of a concern that may be you can relate to.

It could be that they're afraid of an illness, for example, and by staying curious and continuing to ask questions you might just uncover that, Ms Shaw says.

If you solely focus on the conspiracy theory, she says, you might just become dismissive.


Approach with kindness and resist the urge to ridicule


No-one likes being wrong. Ms Shaw says that if you start to point out they're being ridiculous, they'll end up doubling down and being defensive.

Instead let them know you're not trying to change their mind, but you're also not going to subscribe to what they do.

"Acknowledge that you have difference in opinion," Ms Shaw says.

"Ask them, is that going to be a problem for us and if so, what are we going to do about it?"

Ms Shaw says this creates a problem-solving exercise which is far more constructive than debating a topic you'll never agree on.

Sometimes it's best to just agree to disagree


Ms Shaw says that while we're all entitled to hold our own views, we don't have the right to impose them on others or insist that they change their behaviour accordingly.

Agreeing to disagree might be good move if the person isn't trying to insist that you subscribe to what they do.

"If someone's theory actually impacts how they are in the relationship, or they try and insist that you behave in the same way, then that's where it's going to get much harder," Ms Shaw says.

For the sake of the friendship, don't dwell on your differences


"I think what you've always got to ask yourself is: Are all the other ways that we connect meaningful?" Ms Shaw says.

"And even though they hold different views, are they really intruding on me? Are they really asking me to be different? Or are they asking me just to hear them out and accept their different view?" Ms Shaw says.

If it's the latter, then that should be very manageable.



https://www.abc.net.au/life/how-to-have-a-conversation-with-a-conspiracy-theorist/12228710

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