Apr 5, 2016

On the EDge: Eat, drink, be merry, apocalypse cometh; so say the FLDS

St George News
Ed Kociela
April 5, 2016

OPINION – Sorry if I seem a little preoccupied this morning, but, well, I’ve got a lot to do today.

There are songs to be sung, shooters of tequila to be downed and some partying to do.

Fundamentalist Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints are predicting, once again, an apocalyptic event

You see, insiders from the Fundamentalist Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints are predicting, once again, an apocalyptic event for Wednesday that will set free the Jeffs boys – Warren and Lyle — and wreak havoc on the Gentiles who have put them behind bars.

Warren Jeffs, the self-proclaimed FLDS cult prophet, has been sitting behind bars in a Texas prison where he is serving a life-plus-20-years sentence after being found guilty on two counts of sexual assault of a child for his “spiritual” marriages to two young girls – one 12, the other 14.

Lyle Jeffs is to appear on the docket of the Salt Lake City federal courthouse Wednesday for a detention hearing to determine if he will remain a free man while he goes to trial next month on fraud charges. Lyle Jeffs and other cult members are accused of swindling the federal government out of millions of dollars in welfare and other benefits over the years in a practice the FLDS call “bleeding the beast.”

Members of the Mormon fundamentalist sect say they have been told that “it has been prophesied” that earthquakes will shake the Salt Lake City federal building where Lyle is scheduled to appear, and the walls of the Texas prison where Warren is locked up, allowing both men to be set free.

I’m not sure which fault line connects the two, but man, it must be a doozy

I’m not sure which fault line connects the two, but man, it must be a doozy. If that thing rattles that heavily on both ends, I can only imagine the impact on the rest of the continent. A shaker that strong, that deep, that long could very well turn Las Vegas into a beachfront community. And, we could all wake up Thursday to a new island floating in the Pacific Ocean as the West Coast from Canada’s British Columbia to Mexico’s Baja California separate from the mainland and drift out to sea.

So, tonight we’ll go out singing, with loud guitars, the company of good people and mas tequila, toasting the approaching apocalypse.

It’s the sporting thing to do.

Now, tomorrow, if the shaking never comes, we may be cursing our lot as we pray for an apocalyptic event to kill the hangovers we’ll be nursing, but a hair of the dog should stop those waves behind our eyeballs.

This prophesy, of course, comes from Warren Jeffs and is nothing new.

This latest revelation is at least the third or fourth such prophesy

Whenever Warren runs out of things to do, he predicts the coming of the apocalypse. This latest revelation is at least the third or fourth such prophesy he has shared.

The timing for this one is just right because April 6 is a significant date in Mormon doctrine.

It is the date, according to the LDS Church Doctrine & Covenants, of Christ’s birth. Ironically, the church was founded on that date 1,830 years later, a fact sustained by the late LDS prophet and president Gordon B. Hinckley who during a 1997 Christmas devotional said: “While we now know through revelation the time of the Savior’s birth (April 6), we observe the 25th of December with the rest of the Christian world.”

The FLDS adhere to most of the Doctrine & Covenants, including this passage.

How seriously do those raised within the FLDS sect believe such things?

Well, when the Boston Marathon bombings took place, a young man I know – a lost boy who was kicked out of the Short Creek community – was terrified to the point of being almost catatonic.

Why?

Warren Jeffs warned that his release was imminent

Because he was in the community when Warren Jeffs warned that his release was imminent, that a great tumult, which included explosions, earthquakes and blood in the streets, would signify that his release was underway and that he would be returned to lead his people.

The young man, who was 15 at the time, was inconsolable for days until calmer, more worldly heads convinced him that the so-called FLDS prophet was securely locked up, that his prison walls had not melted and that he was not free.

It’s what happens, you know, when people are brainwashed from cradle to grave to believe that their eternal salvation is contingent upon their obedience to this con man.

It is part of the greater context of the dangers of this cult that has stolen the innocence of little girls, worked young boys in the fields and on job sites as if they were mature men and demolished the rights of women born into the fold.

Followers will be told that they didn’t pray hard enough, that they didn’t sacrifice hard enough, that they weren’t worthy enough

When Wednesday comes and goes and their leaders are still answering to the law, these followers will be told that they didn’t pray hard enough, that they didn’t sacrifice hard enough, that they weren’t worthy enough.

They will be punished.

In the past, children had their toys removed, the diets of women and children were restricted to beans and water, families have been reassigned and men excommunicated from the church.

Meanwhile, Warren Jeffs remains blameless, because as the head of his church, he is considered infallible.

So, apocalypse now?

Highly doubtful.

In fact, I’ll book that bet.

We can settle up Thursday, if there is a Thursday.

In the meantime, let’s eat, drink and be merry.

We’ll worry about the apocalypse tomorrow.

After all, tomorrow is another day.

See you next week.

Ed Kociela is an opinion columnist. The opinions stated in this article are his and not representative of St. George News.

http://www.stgeorgeutah.com/news/archive/2016/04/05/on-the-edge-eat-drink-be-merry-apocalypse-cometh-so-say-the-flds

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