Jul 22, 2018

Becoming Legendary with Sharen Seitz #18

A Vibetality Podcast
July 15, 2018

"Born into an emotional and chaotic life in one of the world's most dangerous cults (The Family International) Sharen Seitz has worked hard to create harmony where darkness can dance with light and she can share her human experience with the world." 


My First Podcast Experience

Written by Sharen Seitz on her #iahsay blog at Essensha.com/blog

"I believe that just about every human has thought about it at least once; ‘What will my future be like? What steps must I take to build the future I want?’
I didn’t have much of a foundation to build on having been born into The Children of God sex cult. It has always been a huge challenge to cope with that sort of upbringing and explain really anything about myself to others. My journeying through adversities while in this human experience has never been simple conversation for me nor will it always be easily understood by others. So for that and many other reasons, life used to be about hiding my truths. First, through control while too young to have a choice. Then as I grew older, I would just feel limited by experiencing low vibrations of shame, guilt, embarrassment, and fear of my truth not being validated when I actually did find the courage to speak up."

"Nowadays, as I discussed in my interview, I am observing more of an openness to vulnerability during conversations of powerful and deep subjects. I also see a lot of avoidance when suffering takes place, sure. The subject of death, for example; there is a sort of tip-toeing that occurs when someone else is in the space of someone who has recently lost a loved one. Why do you think that is? Why do you think that death, a natural and absolute part of life, is so feared that we are too uncomfortable to even speak about it or become empathetic or sympathetic to those in mourning? Growing up in the environment that I did I experienced a lot of loss and confusion but had not yet faced losing a close loved one through death. I contribute that partially to not having had the opportunity to get close to many of my relatives, or even immediate family members. However, thinking about losing my dad with our unresolved issues, the sister that was like my mother from birth, or my younger, twin sisters, and the only brother that I really knew to something “tragic” was always too much to even think consider."

"Or so I told myself."

"On November 2nd, 2016, my newly mended friendship with my father came to an end when he decided he couldn’t take the chronic pain from his car accident anymore and took his own life. Not only was I unprepared due to how I was avoiding the mear thought of losing my dad, and certainly never considered he would shoot himself, but I had also just moved to a new state. Matt, my partner and love, happened to have just left for Austin, Texas on a business trip after we moved into our new home together. I was completely alone when I got the call early that morning and was alone for the following 3 days. I had fortunately met one person through her sitting our pups, so I’m forever grateful to her for providing some human interaction and support when she was just a stranger who had no idea what to do for me. Which leads me to circle back: we all have an idea of how uncomfortable it was for others when they heard me attempting to reach out for support by saying the words, “my dad just killed himself…” This subject of death is already a challenge for us all but throw in the subject of suicide and there is almost a “recoiling” that happens, as said by host Patrick Brennan in our interview."

"Due to what I was born into and what my life was like after the abuse set the stage for this incarnation, I have always struggled with suicide idealization. We were always prepped for death, taught to look forward to the rapture, and Armageddon."

"At nine, I developed a nervous nausea and vomiting syndrome that was linked to symptoms of PSTD. Although I was victorious five years ago over this mysterious illness that I faced most of my life and had affected all of my relationships, jobs, and schooling — this added element of physical, daily torture has been enough for me to be validated in my thoughts of worthlessness and being a burden on others, over the years." 

"If you take a small child and put them in a chaotic environment where nothing is ever safe or secure, no one is ever consistent or loving, and everything your shown, taught, and treated like is an example of horrifying abandonment, abuse, extreme confusion, and some of the worst cruelty and brainwashing there is today, that child will likely develop what we label “complex trauma” or CPTSD."

"There are so many accurate stereotypes for how people from a background of abuse, neglect, abandonment, and violence can turn out. So it makes sense why my stunning and dear friend, Dawn Watson > dawnwatson.com.br/english<, who was also born into The Children of God/The Family (TF) in Brazil, is so admired for her ability to spend her existence working with thousands of people around the world teaching through her many examples of courage, strength, and determination to make her suffering worth something for those confused, trapped, and in pain… like we were. She inspires and supports me time and time again through our conversations with her ability to lift me up, yes, but also through our powerful and personal connection where we can relate in our darkness. As a woman, there is nothing like having correlating paths, synergistic goals, and mutual support with a like-minded and like-spirited woman.
She and I agree that pain is a teacher and that to get through it, you must listen to its lesson."

"I often write passages with details about bits of my life experiences, I post spiritual poetry or writing pictures, and sprinkle in other meaningful content via my Instagram, @ShareInnsaei. After writing a bit about trauma and how diverse it can be no matter the circumstance or person, I was contacted by Patrick, the host of Becoming Legendary | a Vibetality Podcast. He asked me to come onto his show and tell more about my experience having been born in Japan into one of the most dangerous cults on earth, and what life was like after my family left when I was six years old."

(See www.Instagram.com/Shareinnsaei to view my spiritual writing for trauma)

"Every ex-member of TF whether they are 1st, 2nd, 3rd, or even 4th generation ex-members have different memories and stories to tell. I am sincerely and utterly grateful to Patrick for allowing me this opportunity to share a bit of my personal testimony with you all in hopes to reach out to those who feel stuck, alone, and silenced:

Podcast Link: https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/becoming-legendary-a-vibetality-podcast/id1097209709?mt=2&i=1000415851508

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