Showing posts with label Recovery. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Recovery. Show all posts

Jan 29, 2019

Upcoming Workshop​ 03/24/2019

Upcoming Workshop​ 

March 24, 2019

10 - 4:30

533 West Howard Avenue,
Decatur, GA, 30030,
United States


"Toxic Faith" is a workshop for former members of small or large destructive groups, even one-on-one guru-relationships. Any totalist environment really, where absolute obedience was expected and pressure and coercion was used to make members believe in something. 

Faith is a beautiful thing. I am not addressing what groups believe in. Instead I will try to explain the mechanisms that all destructive groups have in common, giving you tools to better understand how it can become toxic.

The location is the beautiful Gathered and Grounded studio at:

533 West Howard Avenue,
Decatur, GA, 30030,
United States

There is a restaurant right next door, and a few more within walking distance. Coffee and cookies will be provided during breaks.

If you have any questions, write me at katharina@cult-kids.com. 

Cancellation policy: 100% refund two weeks prior to event, 50% refund one week prior to the event.

Cost: $85*     Limit: 20 people

*Sometimes there's a little fund to help with the workshop cost, please write to inquire.

10 am - 12 pm

The "only" Truth
Coercion in Groups
Narcissistic Leaders 
 
1 pm- 4:30 pm

Saving the World & Pressure
Authoritarian Upbringing
Boundaries and Identity
Feelings and Fears
Recovery and Autonomy

Feb 3, 2018

First Woman To Accuse Nassar Says Church Can Be One Of ‘Worst Places’ To Go For Help

Survivor Rachael Denhollander speaks at the sentencing hearing on Jan. 24 for Larry Nassar, a former team USA Gymnastics doctor who pleaded guilty in November 2017 to sexual assault charges.
Survivor Rachael Denhollander
People who work with victims of sexual assault say the evangelical church should re-evaluate how it treats survivors.

Carol Kuruvilla
Huffington Post
February 2, 2018

Survivor Rachael Denhollander speaks at the sentencing hearing on Jan. 24 for Larry Nassar, a former team USA Gymnastics doctor who pleaded guilty in November 2017 to sexual assault charges.

Rachael Denhollander was the first woman to publicly accuse former USA Gymnastics team doctor Larry Nassar of sexual abuse. As she worked to find justice for herself and the doctor’s other victims, Denhollander began to turn a critical eye on a community that she depended on dearly for support ― her church.

Denhollander, an evangelical Christian, saw that Biblical teachings about grace and repentance were being weaponized against victims, pressuring them into offering an easy forgiveness to their abusers. At the same time, churches lacked accountability structures that treated victims with compassion and respect.

It soon became clear to her that when it comes to properly caring for survivors of sexual abuse, the church has a long way to go ― and experts HuffPost spoke to agree.

Denhollander opened up about her disappointment with the American evangelical church in an interview Wednesday with Christianity Today’s Morgan Lee.

“Church is one of the least safe places to acknowledge abuse because the way it is counseled is, more often than not, damaging to the victim,” said Denhollander, who now works as a lawyer in Kentucky. “There is an abhorrent lack of knowledge for the damage and devastation that sexual assault brings. It is with deep regret that I say the church is one of the worst places to go for help.”

Nassar pleaded guilty in November to 10 counts of first-degree criminal sexual contact for abusing young athletes under the guise of medical treatment. He was sentenced last week to up to 175 years in jail.

Denhollander was one of more than 150 survivors who shared statements in court during Nassar’s sentencing hearing. In her statement, Denhollander spoke about how her advocacy for sexual assault victims “cost me my church and our closest friends.”

Denhollander said one of the biggest struggles she faced was trying to come to terms with what happened to her from a spiritual perspective. She told Christianity Today that she initially wondered why God didn’t prevent the abuse, and if she was “stained” by it. Over the years, she came to realize that church teachings sometimes can be used to “mitigate and to minimize” victims’ suffering.

″[Christians] can tend to gloss over the devastation of any kind of suffering but especially sexual assault, with Christian platitudes like God works all things together for good or God is sovereign,” she told Christianity Today. “Those are very good and glorious biblical truths, but when they are misapplied in a way to dampen the horror of evil, they ultimately dampen the goodness of God.”

Ashley Easter, an advocate for abuse victims, told HuffPost she agrees the church is not always a safe place for victims to disclose abuse.

“Many churches hold poor interpretations of Scripture that imply the victim is somehow at fault for dressing or acting a certain way ‘immodestly,’ that speaking up about abuse is ‘gossip’ or ‘slander,’ and that forgiveness is moving on without demanding justice for the victims,” Easter told HuffPost. “These stances are a stark contrast from Jesus’ ministry to the marginalized.”

Many of these views about women are steeped in patriarchal biases. Christa Brown, an expert on church abuse scandals, told HuffPost that in evangelical communities, patriarchy is often seen as part of God’s plan. Some churches emphasize female submissiveness and male “headship,” the idea that men have final authority over women in the church, community and home.

These teachings aren’t always inherently destructive. But they can create an unequal power dynamic ― such as when a female survivor of assault brings her case to the male elders of a local church.

Meanwhile, other aspects of evangelical Christian theology, such as the emphasis on forgiveness of sin, can enable covering up sexual abuse. And often, Brown said, evangelical churches lack adequate accountability structures that would keep all of these problematic forces in check.

“The toxicity of this combination ― a lack of accountability structures and a patriarchal theology ― taints evangelical culture at its very core,” Brown told HuffPost.

Denhollander first went public with her accusations in The Indianapolis Star in September 2016. At the time, she and her husband were attending a church in Louisville, Kentucky. She claimed the church was “directly” involved in supporting a local pastor who had been accused of covering up child sex abuse. When Denhollander spoke up on behalf of survivors, it caused a rift between her and the leaders of her church. She said some elders even used her personal story of sexual abuse as a weapon against her, claiming that the assault had clouded her judgment as an advocate.

In the interview with Christianity Today, Denhollander made it clear that she feels the problem is bigger than one individual congregation. She believes the American evangelical church as a whole has to work much harder to appropriately respond to abuse allegations from survivors.

“The only reason I am able to have the support of these leaders now is because I am speaking out against an organization not within their community,” Denhollander said. “Had I been so unfortunate so as to have been victimized by someone in their community ... I would be massively shunned. That’s the reality.”

Easter told HuffPost she’s seen this pattern before in evangelical churches. Church leaders are more likely to support specific victims if the abuser has no ties to their own ministry. But when victims come forward about abuse by one of the church’s pastors or a popular ministry leader, the church’s first response is often to fully support the abuser and reject the victim, she said.

“This duplicitous double standard is an exercise in image management and not reflective of the heart of Jesus,” Easter told HuffPost in an email.

In January, an evangelical church in Tennessee was criticized after it appeared to stand by a pastor accused of sexual abuse. Highpoint Church in Memphis initially indicated it had “total confidence in the redemptive process” that accused pastor Andy Savage had gone through after he allegedly assaulted a young woman years ago. After the pastor read out an apology during a church service, some members gave Savage a standing ovation.

It wasn’t until the church received backlash in the national media that leaders decided to put Savage on leave, and take other steps to re-evaluate the church’s policies on child safety.

Brown agrees that church leaders tend to respond poorly to abuse in their own communities.

“Having communicated with hundreds of clergy sex abuse survivors over the past decade, and based on my personal experience as well, I can say that Rachael’s statement is absolutely true in its assessment of how abysmally evangelical leaders would react if she had been victimized by someone within their own community,” Brown told HuffPost. “Rachael’s statement should serve as a challenge to evangelical faith groups to at least come up to speed with the basic norms of accountability structures.”

For Brown, this includes setting up centralized safe spaces within denominational bodies where survivors can take their complaints.

“What most evangelical groups now have is a system that tells abuse survivors to take their complaint to the local church ― i.e., the church of the accused pastor,” Brown said. “This is akin to telling bloody sheep that they should go to the den of the wolf who savaged them.”

Easter said that when victims come forward, churches need to open their doors and get outside professionals involved ― law enforcement, licensed counselors, justice attorneys for victims, and unbiased investigators.

“For the church to become a safe place for abuse survivors, it must repent of its sin of shielding perpetrators in their ranks,” she said. “The church needs to reevaluate its patriarchal shaming and silencing of victims and create an environment where abuse disclosure is encouraged and met with belief and compassion.”

https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/rachael-denhollander-the-church-isnt-safe-for-sexual-abuse-victims_us_5a73264ce4b06fa61b4e1574

Oct 11, 2017

Brainwashed by a cult: French priest offers therapy to ‘reclaim’ Yazidi captives

Reuters
October 10, 2017

It was a lucky haircut that opened the doors of Iraq to Father Patrick Desbois.

In 2015, the French priest was trying to find a way to get into Iraq and help the Yazidi people fleeing Islamic State militants, after watching their suffering on TV for months.

One winter’s day, as he was in Brussels for a meeting and in need of a haircut, he stepped into the first open barber’s shop and found himself being attended to by an Iraqi man.

“I told him I was very concerned about what was happening to the Yazidis and he told me: ‘I am Yazidi, my father is teaching English in the (refugee) camps,’“ Desbois, 62, told the Thomson Reuters Foundation.

The barber helped him with contacts to go to northern Iraq, setting off a two-year journey that would see Desbois open two centres to help women and girls enslaved for sex and traumatized Yazidi children transition back into society.

Many of the women had to provide for themselves for the first time, having lost their husbands and fathers to Islamic State and so one of his projects is to teach women how to sew.

Every two months, 25 former ISIS captives are trained to make clothing in a sewing workshop where they are flanked by psychologists who help them cope with their ordeal.

“We try to help them to reestablish their confidence in the future and even to think about the future,” said Desbois.

More than 5,000 Yazidis were rounded up and slaughtered and some 7,000 women and girls forced into sex slavery, when ISIS militants assaulted the community’s heartland in Sinjar, northern Iraq in August 2014.

Desbois said his organization, Yahad In-Unum, which mixes the Hebrew and Latin words for “together in one”, has so far trained 125 women in a refugee camp in northern Iraq.

For the boys, many of whom struggle to get back to a normal life after being separated from their families and brainwashed into violence by the jihadist group, there are professional psychologists who provide support.

In some cases, the first step is to teach the boys their mother tongue again, as many were forbidden to speak anything but Arabic by the militants, said Desbois. Then they must be persuaded to accept family members who they may not recall or have been taught to reject.

“It is quite literally a process akin to reclaiming someone who has been brainwashed by a cult,” he said.

Fresh trauma

ISIS militants were driven out of the last part of the Yazidi homeland in May but most Yazidis have yet to return to their villages.

For many women and girls, the trauma is still too fresh.

“So many women and so many Yazidi in general were such in a bad condition psychologically,” said Desbois.

Yazidi women reported being sold over more than 25 times to different militants for sex, with devastating effects on their mental health, he said.

Others were kept as servants, beaten, forced to carry suicide belts or used as human shields.

“If you have been treated like an animal and sold over and over again it means you are nothing... you are nobody, so they are really reduced to poor slaves,” he said.

“They are not at a step to (re)enter into society. They are in a refugee camp alone in a tent crying all day.”

UN experts have said the Islamic State’s campaign against the religious minority amounted to genocide.

Desbois is an expert in the field, having dedicated part of the past 15 years to documenting and uncovering mass killings of Jews and Roma by the Nazis in eastern Europe - an undertaking that won him France’s highest award, the Legion d’honneur.

His work in Iraq has mirrored that done by Yahad In-Unum in Europe.

In his first year, the Frenchman methodically collected hundreds of harrowing testimonies of Yazidi women and children to gather evidence of ISIS atrocities.

Nearly 3,000 women and children are believed to remain in Islamic State captivity. And even after the militants’ retreat in Iraq and Syria, Desbois said he was worried Yazidis were being forgotten.

“We really have to worry about them,” he said. “Suffering stays long time after a genocide”.

http://english.alarabiya.net/en/News/middle-east/2017/10/10/Brainwashed-by-a-cult-French-priest-offers-therapy-to-reclaim-Yazidi-captives.html

Aug 27, 2017

Recovery Weekend Workshop - Regaining Freedom of Mind October, 2017 - Sydney, NSW

CIFS is a non-profit association, founded in 1996 by a small group of parents whose children were recruited into cults.

Regaining Freedom of Mind
October, 2017 - Sydney, NSW

CIFS Weekend Recovery Workshop for Former Group Members
When: Weekend Saturday & Sunday, 14th & 15th of October
Where: Newtown, Sydney

The workshop weekend will follow the Colorado Model developed by the International Cultic Studies Association. This is a comprehensive program of topics that has been used successfully in similar workshops for 18 years.

Cost: Registration: $150 (early bird price $120 before 20th September)
Accommodation: Travellers can book a room to stay overnight.

Further info: Click here

Contact: info@cifs.org.au for more details.

http://www.cifs.org.au/

Sep 26, 2016

'It was miraculous': Couple help people recover from abusive groups

 

South Coast Today

Sunday

 


The Rev. Bob and Judy Parsons have dedicated themselves to helping former cult members retake their lives.

“The residents know for real that we care about them and are willing to hang in there with them,” Judy said. “Most of them have been physically and sexually abused.”

Since 2002, the couple have operated MeadowHaven, a facility in Lakeville that is a refuge for former members of abusive groups. Residents are given a chance to rest, heal and grow.

“These groups take over your life in a subtle way,” Bob said. “The pastor or leader uses Christian language. He slowly begins to exercise power and authority over the people to the point where they need his permission to do such things as move or go on vacation. They don’t even realize it is happening.”

THE BEGINNING

After serving for 15 years in pastoral ministry, Bob left to found the New England Institute of Religious Research (NEIRR), which is the parent organization of MeadowHaven.

Bob has worked in the recovery field for many years providing research, counseling and teaching. He has a bachelor's degree in comparative religion from the University of Michigan, a master’s degree from Princeton Theological Seminary and a master's of divinity from Gordon-Conwell Theological Seminary.

Judy has worked with former cult members through counseling and support groups. She conducts workshops and seminars about the cult phenomenon and recovery, too. She taught elementary school for 20 years and left the public school system to co-found NEIRR. She has a bachelor’s degree in psychology with a certificate in elementary education and a master’s degree in counseling psychology from Cambridge College.

As part of their work with NEIRR, the couple visited and stayed with various faith systems throughout the United States, experiencing the healthy and the unhealthy.

To prepare themselves for the work, they immersed themselves in groups that were known for destructive, controlling behavior.

“What we learned was not information obtained from a book,” Bob said. “This was time spent with the groups. It paid off. We got to know them from the inside.”

In the late 1990s, when a group left an abusive church, the couple stepped in to help and realized they needed a rehab facility.

“We began to realize that there were too many in the group for what they had been through,” Judy said. “They needed help. Some were so severely damaged; they needed a place to go.”

“It was miraculous,” Bob said. “We had no money. We became a 501c3 religious nonprofit organization. God supplied MeadowHaven. We have never advertised. Everything has been done by word of mouth.”

After years of fundraising, renovations and prayer, MeadowHaven officially opened in 2002 on two-and-half acres in Lakeville. The facility features five bedrooms, offices, library, dining room, kitchen, patio and recreation room.

HOW IT WORKS

To enter the program, former cult members must fill out an application, which is then reviewed by staff, according to the MeadowHaven website.

The average resident stays at MeadowHaven from nine months to a year, according to the website. A recovery program is created to fit the resident's needs, including counseling, workshops, exercise and volunteer work. The program costs $3,000 per month, but "no one is denied participation" based on financial grounds.

“These destructive groups use a very powerful manipulation,” Judy said. “The people who come out have had everything taken away from them — they have been alienated from their families and friends. They are told to not participate in the banking system, the public school system and doctors — to the point that some were not allowed to wear eyeglasses!”

Rather than refer to the process cults use as “mind control,” the Pardons refer to it as “thought reform.”

ONE CASE

Often the public only becomes aware of abusive groups when a death occurs. For example, in 1999, members of The Body, a group based in Attleboro, were involved in the death of two children: a 10-month-old who was starved to death and a child they said was stillborn. Both were buried in a state park in Maine. The Pardons became involved in the case at the court’s request.

In the matter of the child who starved, the mother, Karen Robidoux, was told not to feed the baby anything but breast milk, but she had no milk to give. The baby’s father, Jacques Robidoux, enforced what he believed was God's word. He was sentenced to life in prison. The baby’s mother was acquitted of second-degree murder but found guilty of assault on a child and sentenced to time served.

Bob Parsons, because of his role in NEIRR, was made guardian of the two remaining children. Karen Robidoux went to stay at MeadowHaven to recover. The Parsons still visit Jacques in jail and said, “the father realizes now that God did not tell him to starve his child and that he is responsible for his actions.

“When people believe that God is involved in the group, that ramps everything up,” Bob said. “They believe that if they leave, they are not just leaving the group, they are leaving God. They believe they will go to hell. The ability to make decisions is totally taken away. They are totally isolated.

“I had to recommend to the court that parental rights be terminated,” Bob said regarding the children of some sect members.

HOPE & HELP

“We have heard every story you can imagine,” Judy said, noting that there is hope and help at MeadowHaven. “We work with people on their self-esteem because when they come to us they have none. We help them reconnect with who they really are.” She likens what they have been through as trauma or a complex form of post-traumatic stress disorder.

In the MeadowHaven program, former cult or sect members are able to recover their ability to be thriving contributors to society.

"They have to process what happened to them. They can't pretend it didn't happen," Bob said. "We help them to hold on to the good and to let go of the bad."

ON THE WEB

For more information on MeadowHaven, visit WWW.MEADOWHAVEN.ORG or call 508-947-9571.

 

http://www.southcoasttoday.com/entertainmentlife/20160925/it-was-miraculous-couple-help-people-recover-from-abusive-groups

 

Apr 6, 2016

Coming Out of the Cults


Excerpted from "Coming Out of the Cults," Psychology Today, January, 1979
Margaret Thaler Singer, Ph.D.
Most ex-cult members we have seen struggle at one time or another with some or all of the following difficulties and problems. Not all have all of these problems, nor do most have them in severe and extended form.
Depression. With their 24-hour regime of ritual, work, worship, and community, the cults provide members with tasks and purpose. When members leave, a sense of meaninglessness often reappears. They must also deal with family and personal issues left unresolved at the time of conversion.
But former members have a variety of new losses to contend with. They often speak of their regret for the lost years and feel a loss of innocence and self-esteem if they come to believe that they were used, or that they wrongly surrendered their autonomy.
Loneliness. Leaving a cult also means leaving many friends, a brotherhood with common interests, the intimacy of sharing a very significant experience, and having to look for new friends in an uncomprehending or suspicious world.
Indecisiveness. Some groups prescribe virtually every activity: what and when to eat, wear, and do during the day and night, showering, defecating procedures, and sleep positions. The loss of a way of life in which everything is planned often creates a "future void" in which they must plan and execute all their tomorrows on their own. Certain individuals cannot put together any organized plan for taking care of themselves, whether problems involve a job, school, or social life. Some have to be urged to buy alarm clocks and notebooks in order to get up, get going, and plan their days.
Slipping into Altered States. Recruits are caught up in a round of long, repetitive lectures couched in hypnotic metaphors and exalted ideas, hours of chanting while half-awake, attention-focusing songs and games, and meditating. Several groups send their members to bed wearing headsets that pipe sermons into their ears as they sleep, after hours of listening to tapes of the leader’s exhortations while awake. These are all practices that tend to produce states of altered consciousness, exaltation, and suggestibility.
When they leave the cult, many members find that a variety of conditions—stress and conflict, a depressive low, certain significant words or ideas—can trigger a return to the trancelike state they knew in cult days. They report that they fall into the familiar, unshakable lethargy, and seem to hear bits of exhortations from cult speakers. These episodes of "floating"—like the flashbacks of drug users—are most frequent immediately after leaving the group, but can still occur weeks or months later.
Blurring of Mental Acuity. Most cult veterans report—and their families confirm—subtle cognitive inefficiencies and changes that take some time to pass. Many former cult members have to take simple jobs until they regain former levels of competence.
Fear of the Cult. Most of the groups work hard to prevent defections: some ex-members cite warnings of heavenly damnation for themselves, their ancestors, and their children. Since many cult veterans retain some residual belief in the cult doctrines, this alone can be a horrifying burden.
When members do leave, efforts to get them back reportedly range from moderate harassment to incidents involving the use of force. Many ex-members and their families secure unlisted phone numbers; some move away from known addresses; some even take assumed names in distant places.
Fear may be most acute for former members who have left a spouse or children behind in the cults that recruited couples and families. Any effort to make contact risks breaking the link completely. Often painful legal actions ensue over child custody or conservatorship between ex- and continuing adherents.
The Fishbowl Effect. A special problem is the constant watchfulness of family and friends, who are on the alert for any signs that the difficulties of real life will send the person back. Mild dissociation, deep preoccupations, temporary altered states of consciousness, and any positive talk about cult days can cause alarm in a former member’s family. Often the ex-member senses it, but neither side knows how to open up discussion.
New acquaintances and old friends can also trigger an ex-cult member’s feelings that people are staring, wondering why he/she joined such a group.
The Agonies of Explaining. Why one joined is difficult to tell anyone who is unfamiliar with cults. One has to describe the subtleties and power of the recruitment procedures and how one was indoctrinated. Most difficult of all is to try to explain why a person is unable simply to walk away from a cult, for that entails being able to give a long and sophisticated explanation of social and psychological coercion, influence, and control procedures.
Guilt. According to our informants, significant parts of cult activity are based on deception, particularly fund-raising and recruitment. The dishonesty is rationalized as being for the greater good of the cult or the person recruited. As they take up their personal consciences again, many ex-members feel great remorse over the lies they have told, and they frequently worry over how to right the wrongs they did.
Perplexities about Altruism. Many of these people want to find ways to put their altruism and energy back to work without becoming a pawn in another manipulative group. They wonder how they can properly select among the myriad contending organizations—social, religious, philanthropic, service-oriented, psychological—and remain their own boss.
Elite No More. "They get you to believing that they alone know how to save the world," recalled one member. "You think you are in the vanguard of history . . . As the chosen, you are above the law . . . " Clearly one of the more poignant comedowns of postgroup life is the end of feeling a chosen person, a member of an elite.

Mar 25, 2016

Why I’m Not Ashamed To Say I Go To Therapy

Haley Goldberg
Self
March 11, 2016
I used to tell my friends I had a "dentist appointment"—now, I know I don't have to lie.
My sophomore year of high school, I had a lot of “appointments.” I’d rotate on what I told my friends they were for: dentist, doctor, orthodontist. Really, I was going to weekly therapy sessions, and I was afraid to tell them the truth.
It wasn’t my first time in therapy. I started seeing a therapist in second grade, when my fear of thunderstorms had me obsessively watching the Weather Channel and the sky, afraid to go to school if there was a single dark cloud, a 50-percent chance of rain, or, god forbid, a tornado watch. If a thunderstorm rolled in during the school day, the teacher would excuse me to go visit the school therapist, where I’d anxiously sit and talk with her until the sound of rain passed. No one in my classes knew where I went except for the teacher, and I made sure to keep it that way.
Around fourth grade, I started seeing a therapist on the weekends. Most sessions, I went angrily, ashamed of myself for needing the help. I refused to open up to the therapist at all. Middle school came, and, somehow, each year I started caring less and less about watching the sky. I stopped seeing a therapist regularly, and thought I’d finished my stint with mental issues—I was fixed now.
But then, sophomore year of high school, my anxiety came back for an extended visit. I realized that fear of weather was just a small manifestation of obsessive compulsive disorder and general anxiety, and the two began to torment me each day. My mom suggested I head back to therapy. Unlike when I was younger, I didn’t resist it this time. I went into the sessions and began opening up, recognizing the way I think and learning how I could fight back against irrational thoughts and fears, things that could easily suck me up into an anxious spiral. It was difficult work confronting the things that scared me and the power my mind could have over my emotions, but it needed to be done. I could tell it was helping.
Still, I didn’t want to tell anyone. I didn’t want my friends—who I’d leave on a perfectly sunny summer day at the pool for a “dental cleaning”—to think there was something wrong with me. At school I was happy, confident and carefree. I didn’t want people to know the truth, to look at me like I was “sick” or not OK. 
Looking back, I realize now that’s why I should have told people. To show them that, yes, someone with a mental illness can seem totally fine on the outside, but battle something on the inside. To show them that it’s OK to get help for mental issues—just like it’s OK to go to the doctor for the flu, or the dentist for a cavity. To show them that they’re not alone if they too struggle with their thoughts and feelings.
Today, I know I’m not alone. A staggering one in five adults suffer from a mental illness in the U.S. in a given year, according to the National Alliance on Mental Illness. And 18.1 percent of adults—that’s 44 million people—in the U.S. suffer specifically from anxiety disorders, according to Mental Health America. But sadly, there’s still a stigmasurrounding getting help for mental illnesses. Only about a third of people suffering from depression seek help from a mental health professional, and the MHA explains it’s because they “believe depression isn’t serious, that they can treat it themselves or that it is a personal weakness rather than a serious medical illness.”
What I’ve learned from my experience: Your mental health should be treated like your physical health—addressed with the help of a professional and treated not as something you caused, but something you need to care for. You wouldn’t blame yourself for catching the flu. Don’t blame yourself for depression, anxiety or any mental illness. And, don’t be ashamed to seek help and speak out about it. 
Since high school, I’ve been in and out of therapy a few times. It’s no longer something I’m looking to “fix” me, but to aid me when I just can’t seem to keep my anxiety and OCD under control. I look at it like scheduling a spinning class: It keeps me healthy. I’m now open with my friends when I’m heading to an appointment, and I’ve even suggested therapy to those I’ve seen struggling with their own mental health. Sometimes, chatting over coffee with a friend isn’t enough to fix what’s going on—and that’s OK. I wouldn’t be living the life I am today without taking control of my mental health with the help of a professional.
Recently, Kerry Washington opened up about her own experience with therapy in a video where she gave advice to her 18-year-old self. The star still sees a therapist, and I found her words echoing what I’d want to tell that girl going to “dentist appointments” her sophomore year of high school.
“Just know that everybody has growing pains, and the only way out is through,” she said. “You’re going to find therapy, and it’s going to be amazing.”
I couldn’t agree more. 
If you’re struggling with anxiety or any mental illness, resources are available at the National Alliance on Mental Illness.
http://www.self.com/trending/2016/03/why-im-not-ashamed-to-say-i-go-to-therapy/

Feb 8, 2016

Understanding and Coping with Triggers


Carol Giambalvo; Joseph Kelly 

Dissociation is a disturbance in the normally integrative functions of identity, memory, or consciousness. It is also known as a trance state. It is a very normal defense mechanism. You've all probably heard of how a child being abused—or persons in the midst of traumatic experiences—dissociate. Those are natural occurrences to an unnatural event.


What are some of the events in the life of a cult member that may bring on dissociation?

  • Stress of maintaining beliefs.
  • Stress of constant activities.
  • Diet/sleep deprivation.
  • Discordant noises—conflicts.
  • Never knowing what’s next.


There are many, many ways to produce a dissociative or trance state:

  • Drugs.
  • Alcohol.
  • Physical stress (long-distance running).
  • Hyperventilation.
  • Rhythmic voice patterns or noises (drumming)
  • Chanting.
  • Empty-minded meditation.
  • Speaking in tongues.
  • Long prayers.
  • Guided visualizations.
  • “Imagine…”
  • Confrontational sessions (hot seat, auditing, struggle sessions).
  • Decreeing.
  • Hypnotism or “processes.”
  • Hyper arousal—usually into a negative state so the leaders can rescue you (ICC confessions).
  • Ericksonian hypnosis (Milton Erickson) hypnotic trance without a formal trance induction.

Why are we so concerned about trance states?

  • Individuals don’t process information normally in trance state
  • Critical thinking—the arguing self—is turned off.
  • Also turned off are reflection, independent judgment, and decision-making.
  • In trance you are dealing with the subconscious mind, which has no way to tell the difference between something imagined or reality—it becomes a real experience which is interpreted for you by the group ideology.
  • Once in a trance, people have visions or may “hear” sounds that are later interpreted for you in the context of the cult mindset—the “magic”—while, in reality, they are purposely manufactured physiological reactions to the trance state.
  • While in trance you are more suggestible—not just during trance, but for a period of time up to two hours after.
  • When a person dissociates, it becomes easier and easier to enter into a dissociative state—it can become a habit—and it can become uncontrollable.

You may have heard it said that not everyone can be hypnotized … that you need to be able to trust the hypnotist’s authority. While it’s true that there are degrees of hypnotizability, dissociative states may be induced indirectly. What if instead of telling you that “now we’re going to hypnotize you,” the leaders just say, “Let’s do a fun process—close your eyes and imagine …”? Are you told to trust your leaders? Do they have your best interest at heart? And what if they are using Ericksonian hypnosis, in which there is no formal trance induction?


What is Ericksonian Hypnosis? It’s an interchange between two people in which the hypnotist must:

  • Gain cooperation.
  • Deal with resistant behavior.
  • Receive acknowledgement that something is happening.
Ericksonian hypnosis involves techniques of expectation, pacing and leading, positive transference, indirect suggestion, the use of “yes sets,” deliberate confusion, the embedding of messages, and suggestive metaphor.

Jan 18, 2016

The Health Effects of Leaving Religion

JON FORTENBURY
The Atlantic
September 28, 2014

Curtis Penfold got kicked out of his apartment, fired from his job, and left Brigham Young University all in the same week.

He left BYU—a private university operated by The Church of Latter-day Saints—because he had started to disagree with some of the Church’s views, causing tension between him and school officials. His exit from the school caused him to lose his on-campus job, and he subsequently resigned from the Mormon Church. Resigning from the church resulted in getting kicked out of his religiously-affiliated private housing, and he received angry emails from old friends and phone calls from his disappointed parents who said he “lost the light” and “used to be so good.”

“I felt so hated by this community I used to love,” Penfold said.

Penfold originally went to BYU to be around fellow Mormons. But over the course of the two-and-a-half years he spent there, he started to find the lack of LGBT rights in the church distasteful and was unable to reconcile the idea of a loving God with the evil he saw in the world. This loss of faith in God went beyond his separation from Mormonism, leading to months of depression, anxiety over the prospect of no afterlife, and suicidal thoughts. He’s better now, but for a while there were days when he wouldn’t even leave his bed.

Like Penfold, many who leave religion in America become isolated from their former communities, which can make them anxious, depressed, or even suicidal. Others feel liberated. No deconversion story is the same, but many who leave behind strongly-held religious beliefs can see an impact on their health.

Americans are less religious than ever. A third of American adults under 30, and a fifth of all Americans don’t identify with any religion, according to a 2012 study byPew Research (an increase from 15 percent in 2007). But though scientists have studied people who leave cults, research on the health effects of leaving religion is slim.

"Just like it’s hard to unlearn English, it’s hard for people to unlearn the concept of hell."

The most mainstream research on this is a 2010 study out of Pennsylvania State University, which examined data from 1972 to 2006. The study showed that 20 percent of people who have left religion report being in excellent health, versus 40 percent of people currently part of strict religious groups (such as Jehovah’s Witnesses and Latter-Day Saints) and 25 percent of people who switched from a strict religion to a more lenient religion. “Strict” in this study was defined as “high-cost sectarian groups that are theologically and culturally exclusive."

There are some studies comparing the health of religious and nonreligious people. A 2010 study by Gallup showed that nonreligious people are more likely to smoke and less likely to eat healthy and exercise than the faithful. A 2004 study published in the American Journal of Psychiatry showed that religiously unaffiliated depressed inpatients are more likely to display suicidal behaviors than religiously affiliated patients. And a 2011 study in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology showed that people in economically developed societies tend to have similar levels of subjective well-being regardless of religious affiliation. But studies rarely seem to single out people who have left religion. Even the Penn State study didn’t clarify how recently people had deconverted. Recent deconverts are, understandably, those most likely to see health effects, according to Dr. Darrel Ray.

Ray has been a psychologist for more than 30 years and founded Recovering From Religion, an organization that connects nonbelievers with therapists and each other. According to Ray, it generally takes depressed deconverts two to three years for their health to bounce back. A few years after leaving their religion, they tend to reestablish a social community and rid themselves of guilt they may have felt over premarital sex, depression over losing God, and anxiety about death and hell.

Ray, author of The God Virus and Sex and God: How Religion Distorts Sexuality, said not all of his clients recover within the typical three years, though. Getting over a fear of death after believing in an afterlife for so long takes some of them five years or longer. And about five percent of his clients can take even more time to stop fearing hell. Ray often compares learning about hell to learning a language.

“When you were five years old and learning English, you never stopped to ask your parents why you weren’t learning German,” said Ray, who uses cognitive behavioral therapy to decatastrophize the concept of hell for clients. “You just learn it. The same is often true of religion. When you’re taught about hell and eternal damnation at ages four through seven, these strong concepts are not going to easily leave you. Just like it’s hard to unlearn English, it’s hard to unlearn the concept of hell.”

Dr. Marlene Winell, a California psychologist and author of Leaving the Fold, compares leaving religion to post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). She even created a term for it: religious trauma syndrome (RTS), which she defines in an article forBritish Association for Behavioural & Cognitive Psychotherapies as “struggling with leaving an authoritarian, dogmatic religion and coping with the damage of indoctrination.” Not every deconvert goes through RTS, but she writes that like PTSD, the impact of RTS is “long-lasting, with intrusive thoughts, negative emotional states, impaired social functioning, and other problems.” RTS is not recognized by the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, though, and some critics say it is just PTSD, applied to religion.

Any negative experiences after leaving religion, from depression to social isolation, can take a toll on your physical health. Isolation, according to a six-yearstudy out of the University of Chicago, can cause health problems such as disrupted sleep, elevated blood pressure, and a 14 percent greater risk of premature death. Depression can cause fatigue, trouble concentrating, headaches, and digestive disorders; and persistent anxiety can cause muscle tension and difficulty sleeping, according to the Anxiety and Depression Association of America. Anxiety is also sometimes linked to stomach ulcers, said Dr. Javier Campos.

Campos, a family practice doctor in Kerrville, Texas, says he will sometimes ask patients about their spiritual lives, if he thinks it’s affecting their health or if they’re going through the loss of a loved one. He’s observed a link between his patients’ thoughts on the afterlife and their physical health.  

“If you have this thought of hell and that you’re going to be punished for unbelief, it [sometimes] translates into other sematic symptoms, such as headaches, anxiety, and needing to be on medication to sleep,” Campos said.

There are now several resources to help combat negative health outcomes after leaving religion, beyond taking medicine for the symptoms or seeing a therapist. Recovering From Religion has monthly support groups across the world and is about to offer a phone hotline for those struggling with deconversion. Journey Free, an organization based in the San Francisco Bay Area, offers an online support group for deconverts and weekend retreats where small groups come together to help and support each other. There are even groups that are essentially atheist churches, where deconverts can go to find weekly community in a nonreligious context.

Not every recent deconvert necessarily needs these resources, though. Some who leave religion become healthier than they were before. This was the case for Annie Erlandson.

Raised Evangelical Christian in Lincoln, Nebraska, Erlandson developed anorexia at age nine, modeling after her pastor father, who wrote a book about his own eating disorder. But Erlandson’s struggles with food were tied to her beliefs. She was petrified of growing into womanhood, fearing she would cause men to lust after her and sin. She thought if she could prevent her first period, she could prevent growing breasts and minimize sin. Finally at age 15, doctors caught on to her persistent low weight and diagnosed her with anorexia.

After this, Erlandson began doubting Christianity, and eventually, she lost her faith.

Like Erlandson, some people’s health improves after deconverting because they stop practicing negative health behaviors that may have been tied to their religion. For example, leaving a faith such as Christian Science, which dissuades medical treatment, obviously opens up more opportunities for healthcare intervention.

Other negative health behaviors sometimes associated with being religious, according to social psychologist Dr. Clay Routledge inPsychology Today, are cognitive dissonance (consistent religious doubts can harm your health) and avoidant coping. An example of the latter is the attitude that things are “all in God’s hands,” which could potentially keep people from taking action on behalf of their own health.

Unlike those who become isolated from community after losing their faith, Erlandson’s social life improved drastically after her deconversion. She began hanging out with theatre kids and people in the local punk rock scene.

“I never really had a social group when I was a Christian,” Erlandson said. “I tried joining a youth group and just never felt like I connected with them. I remember one time, when I was nine, being in church during a hymn and everyone was singing and raising their hands and closing their eyes. I didn’t feel it. This wave of isolation and trepidation came over me. Everyone seemed engaged except for me. I knew I was not like everyone else.”

But not everyone's health and well-being improves after leaving a religion. Since for many people, religion means being part of a community, and belief in an afterlife can make death less frightening, leaving that behind can lead to isolation and anxiety. The end of a positive religious experience can lead to a decrease in health, as was the case for Penfold. But leaving a negative religious experience may be a way to boost health, especially if someone has a nonreligious community to support them, as Erlandson did. But one way or another, a person’s faith, or lack thereof, is often so important that it affects physical, as well as spiritual, well-being.

http://www.theatlantic.com/health/archive/2014/09/the-health-effects-of-leaving-religion/379651/?utm_source=SFFB

Jan 3, 2013

Aspects of Recovery

Recovery from cults is a multifaceted process; initially it is the separation from the group, group practices, and meetings that bound us to the group. 

Therapy helps address the emotional aspects of group involvement – feelings of betrayal, abuse and vulnerability to recruitment. It helps to develop and understanding of how the group’s doctrine was used to manipulate and encourage commitment.

Our focus in this article is the development of an intellectual understanding of the characteristics of cultic groups – how they differ from non-cultic groups – and of the tactics often used to engender a high level of commitment, a key element of recovery.

Deception

Deception lies at the core of mind-manipulating and cultic groups and programs. Many ex-members and supporters of cults are not fully aware of the extent to which they have been tricked and exploited.

The following checklist of cult characteristics helps to define such groups. Comparing the descriptions on this checklist to bring your attention to aspects of the group with which you were involved may help bring your attention to areas of group life that are a cause for concern.

If you check any of these items as characteristic of the group, and particularly if you check most of them, you might want to consider reexamining these areas of the group and how they affected you. Keep in mind that this checklist is meant to stimulate thought. It is not a scientific method of “diagnosing” a group.

Checklist of Cult Characteristics

We suggest that you check all characteristics that apply to you or your group. You may find that your assessment changes over time, with further reading and research.


  • The group is focused on a living leader to whom members seem to display excessively zealous, unquestioning commitment.
  • The group is preoccupied with bringing in new members.
  • The group is preoccupied with making money.
  • Questioning, doubt, and dissent are discouraged or even punished.
  • Mind-numbing techniques (such as meditation, chanting, speaking in tongues, denunciation sessions, debilitating work routines) are used to suppress doubts about the group and its leader(s).
  • The leadership dictates sometimes in great detail how members should think, act, and feel (for example: members must get permission from leaders to date, change jobs, get married; leaders may prescribe what types of clothes to wear, where to live, how to discipline children, and so forth).
  • The group is elitist, claiming a special, exalted status for itself, its leader(s), and members (for example: the leader is considered the Messiah or an avatar; the group and/or the leader has a special mission to save humanity).
  • The group has a polarized us-versus-them mentality, which causes conflict with the wider society.
  • The group’s leader is not accountable to any authorities (as are, for example, military commanders and ministers, priests, monks, and rabbis of mainstream denominations).
  • The group teaches or implies that its supposedly exalted ends justify means that members would have considered unethical before joining the group (for example: collecting money for bogus charities).
  • The leadership induces guilt feelings in members in order to control them.
  • Members’ subservience to the group causes them to cut ties with family and friends, and to give up personal goals and activities that were of interest before joining the group.
  • Members are encouraged or required to live and/or socialize only with other group members.




The Distinction Between Cultic Groups and Non-Cultic Groups

Making the distinction between cultic groups and non-cultic groups is significant. Group propaganda often tries to blur the distinction between cults, sects, communes and society’s organizations, (“The Catholic Church is a cult.” “The Marines are a cult.”).

“I have had to point out why the United States Marine Corps is not a cult so many times that I carry a list to lectures and court appearances. It cites 19 ways in which the practices of the Marine Corps differ from those found in most modern cults….

Cults clearly differ from such purely authoritarian groups as the military, some types of sects and communes, and centuries-old Roman Catholic and Greek and Russian Orthodox Orders. These groups, though rigid and controlling, lack a double agenda and are not manipulative or leader-centered. The differences become apparent when we examine the intensity and pervasiveness with which mind-manipulating techniques and deceptions are or are not applied.

Jesuit seminaries may isolate the seminarian from the rest of the world for periods of time, but the candidate is not deliberately deceived about the obligations and burdens of the priesthood. In fact, he is warned in advance about what is expected, and what he can and cannot do….

Mainstream religious organizations do not concentrate their search on the lonely and the vulnerable … Nor do mainstream religions focus recruitment on wealthy believers who are seen as pots of gold for the church, as is the case with those cults who target rich individuals …

Military training and legitimate executive-training programs may use the dictates of authority as well as peer pressure to encourage the adoption of new patterns of thought and behavior. They do not seek, however, to accelerate the process by prolonged or intense psychological depletion or by stirring up feelings of dread, guilt, and sinfulness …

And what is wrong with cults is not just that cults are secret societies. In our culture, there are openly recognized, social secret societies, such as the Masons, in which new members know up front that they will gradually learn the shared rituals of the group … In [cults] there is deliberate deception about what the group is and what some of the rituals might be, and primarily, there is deception about what the ultimate goal will be for a member, what will ultimately be demanded and expected, and what the damages resulting from some of the practices might be. A secret handshake is not equivalent to mind control.



How the United States Marine Corps Differs from Cults


  1. The Marine recruit clearly knows what the organization is that he or she is joining … There are no secret stages such as people come upon in cults. Cult recruits often attend a cult activity, are lured into ‘staying for a while,’ and soon find that they have joined the cult for life, or as one group requires, members sign up for a ‘billion year contract…’
  2. The Marine recruit retains freedom of religion, politics, friends, family association, selection of spouse, and information access to television, radio, reading material, telephone, and mail.
  3. The Marine serves a term of enlistment and departs freely. The Marine can reenlist if he or she desires but is not forced to remain.
  4. Medical and dental care are available, encouraged, and permitted in the Marines. This is not true in the many cults that discourage and sometimes forbid medical care.
  5. Training and education received in the Marines are usable later in life. Cults do not necessarily train a person in anything that has any value in the greater society.
  6. In the USMC, public records are kept and are available. Cult records, if they exist, are confidential, hidden from members, and not shared.
  7. USMC Inspector General procedures protect each Marine. Nothing protects cult members.
  8. A military legal system is provided within the USMC; a Marine can also utilize off-base legal and law enforcement agencies and other representatives if needed. In cults, there is only the closed, internal system of justice, and no appeal, no recourse to outside support.
  9. Families of military personnel talk and deal directly with schools. Children may attend public or private schools. In cults, children, child rearing, and education are often controlled by the whims and idiosyncrasies of the cult leader.
  10. The USMC is not a sovereign entity above the laws of the land. Cults consider themselves above the law, with their own brand of morality and justice, accountable to no one, not even their members.
  11. A Marine gets to keep her or his pay, property owned and acquired, presents from relatives, inheritances, and so on. In many cults, members are expected to turn over to the cult all monies and worldly possessions.
  12. Rational behavior is valued in the USMC. Cults stultify members’ critical thinking abilities and capacity for rational, independent thinking; normal thought processes are stifled and broken.
  13. In the USMC, suggestions and criticism can be made to leadership and upper echelons through advocated, proper channels. There are no suggestion boxes in cults. The cult is always right, and the members (and outsides) are always wrong.
  14. Marines cannot be used for medical and psychological experiments without their informed consent. Cults essentially perform psychological experiments on their members through implementing thought-reform processes without members’ knowledge or consent.
  15. Reading, education, and knowledge are encouraged and provided through such agencies as Armed Services Radio and Stars and Stripes, and through books, post libraries, and so on. If cult do any education, it is only in their own teachings. Members come to know less and less about the outside world; contact with or information about life outside the cult is sometimes openly frowned upon, if not forbidden.
  16. In the USMC, physical fitness is encouraged for all. Cults rarely encourage fitness or good health, except perhaps for members who serve as security guards or thugs.
  17. Adequate and properly balanced nourishment is provided and advocated in the USMC. Many cults encourage or require unhealthy and bizarre diets. Typically, because of intense work schedules, lack of funds, and other cult demands, members are not able to maintain healthy eating habits.
  18. Authorized review by outsiders, such as the U.S. Congress, is made of the practices of the USMC. Cults are accountable to no one and are rarely investigated, unless some gross criminal activity arouses the attention of the authorities or the public.
  19. In the USMC, the methods of instruction are military training and education, even indoctrination into the traditions of the USMC, but brainwashing, or thought reform, is not used. Cults influence members by means of a coordinated program of psychological and social influence techniques, or brainwashing.”

Graphic Adapted from Cults In Our Midst: The Hidden Menace to Our Everyday Lives
Adapted from Cults In Our Midst: The Hidden Menace to Our Everyday Lives, Margaret Singer with Janja Lalich, Jossey-Bass, 1995. Reprinted with authors’ permission.

AFF News, Vol. 2, No. 4, 1996

Sep 30, 2012

Special Event: Sharing Experiences to Assist Others


Throughout the day there will be specific discussion sessions where there will be opportunity given (if you wish) to share parts of your story, to assist others in similar situations such as former members who are more recently out of their groups, and those with loved ones, such as adult children, siblings or parents, in cults and sects.

These sessions will be led by the key speakers and Rod Dubrow-Marshall, Kathy House, and Cathy Page.

Light finger buffet lunch and refreshments provided

Saturday April 21st 2012: 10:00 – 5:30pm

Mary Candler: Life story of the impact of cult membership on family relationships

Ben Davidson: Life story of growing up in Christian Science with a particular focus on how his mother’s death led to him instigating eventual change in Christian Science nursing homes and schools.

Rod Dubrow-Marshall

Linda Dubrow-Marshall: Enhancing your wellbeing: a way forward

Gillie Jenkinson: Former-members for former-members: a chance to speak out

Kathy House

Cathy Page

Chrsitian Szurko: Supporting families to dialogue with current sect members: restoring relationship with siblings, parents or children in a sect.

Former members and those with loved ones, such as adult children, siblings or parents, in cults and sects (open to everyone).

Baden Powell House: Conference Centre
65-67 Queen's Gate, London